Yeah, so, I have been lost in thought for the past few days. Funny thing is, I decided to play with the Zen Tarrot cards and the silence card and the nothingness cards came into play. Both are about being within ones self, dealing with change, and preparing for some big transformation or event in life. So, perhaps I am having some inner crisis I don't realize I'm having bc I haven't focussed enough on the source, which was another card.
Yes, there has been some changes. I let go of a 3 year relationship, though we are still freinds. This has never happened before. So, it is an uncharted path for me. I also have taken on new responsibilities at work and let one go. Again, new territory. None the less, maybe I have had more stress than I am willing to admit. But I really don't feel bad mentally, physically, or emotionally that I can tell so I am a bit confused by my own need for deep pondering. Now, for the real subject.
It all began with the lockdown at school. Many people in my life pointed out that I did not respond normally. So, I started thinking about how desensatized I am to some of the dangers around me. How it is natural for me to jump between 2 kids who are choosing to fight never knowing if there is a weapon. Truth be told, I believe there are weapons there every day. So why, in that moment, do I go all protective of them and not of me. This led to thoughts about death, God and the afterlife. Which then led to thoughts of religion and the statement: Religion is the crutch of the masses.
So, why is it that as rational beings do we(yes I said we) are willing to believe far fetched things in order to be a part of a religion. I think I have come to the conclusion that it is simply a large illusion we create for different reasons and it isn't just religion(thus the we). We are really alone in many ways. We create situations in our lives in order to find ways to cope.
It would have been much easier to accept the death of CJ had I been able to believe that one day when I die, she would be chillin out with a Red Stripe saying, Where the hell have you been? Well, without the hell I guess. But it is harder to believe that the last time I saw her, was the last time I ever will.
Quick sidebar: I do believe in some form of after life. But it isn't conventional and it has more to do with the energy of the spirit than pearly gates.
It is easier to believe that all bad things that happen and good things that happen to us in life are part of this master plan that we couldn't possibly be bright enough to understand than it is to believe that there is cause and effect. I mean, I have had some bad things happen in my world. They weren't always my fault but they were the effect of choices made. Whether it was my choice or someone elses that effected me negatively. For the most part, it is easier to look to God and say it is his will that I live and work in Montgomery than it is to look within myself and say, I have just not put forth enough effort to get a position elsewhere bc I am comfortable in the environment and I fear change. But if you or I do this, we fail to grow. If we trade off our accomplishments as blessings then we are able to trade our failures as trials. If we do this, I don't think we take enough responsibility for ourselves and we also don't give ourselves enough credit for the things we work hard to have. It seems to me that we create our illusion bc reality, when bad is too hard to bear and when it is good, we are accused by society of being cocky or self centered.
But truthfully, if I own that I am a big girl, shouldn't I be able to own that I am flipping brilliant?
So, the moral of the story is that we all create illusions to get by and we are willing to sacrifice the best of us in order to have a scapegoat for our weaknesses. I really hold no blame to the people who believe these things. Often times, especially bad times, I wish I could borrow a crutch for a while and not have to accept hard truths with no safety net. but then I remember that with the hard things comes growth and the growth leads to better things. I guess it all works out in the end. Unless, in the end I go to Hell. Guess if that happens, I will be kicking myself for at least not aking the insurance policy believer route. :)
This is really random and all over the place. Sorry about that. I never said my thoughts were going to come out well.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My Hometown
I am going home this weekend so I decided to write a little about Deer Park, AL. I will start by saying that it is a dot on a map. So, let's begin with what I love and some of the loves are also the hates.
I love that everyone knows everyone. This is bc I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if I have a flat tire the people who stop are there to help me not ass rape me before robbing and shooting me. It also makes you town like a big family. I have never known a situation where there has been a poor person who needed help that did not receive it. The people are tight knit, protective of one another, and love each other regardless of what is going on in their lives.
I love the peacefulness of the country. I don't want to have it everyday but when you need a break it is the place to be. I can sit on my Moms front porch and hear nothing but nature.
I love the pace of life. Things just seem to move a little slower there. People take the time to wave as u pass by. They stop to say hello and ask how you are doing and they mean it. A friday night football game is as exciting as the world series. It is simple but in a good way.
I love that you always know somebody to do that cheap no matter what it is. You need your car fixed, Leroy can do it for half price bc he's your daddy's cousin. You need your roof fixed, Jake will do it bc he just got out of jail and needs work. He's on the prayer list at church. You need your hay hauled, the boys from the football team will do it for free bc the coach, who is married to your brothers best friend, wants them working in the heat before fall training. Well, you get the point.
Now a few reasons I hate it:
People stay in other peoples business. You can't fart silently on my mama's front porch before the whole community knows it stinks. There is ZERO personal space. Again, that whole family thing. They will still love you and they will probably feed you but they will talk about how you married a drunk while they do it.
There is a lot of ignorance. I don't mean stupidity, I mean ignorance. They will vote based on religious belief alone or race or some other stupid issue that won't change and isn't really in their best interest. Often times, they are not accepting of people from the outside. Now, I think this is found everywhere bc city folk aren't usually accepting of country folk either but that just is what it is.
Now, for my biggest hate. It is just simply inconvenient. There is little to no cell service. Good luck with high speed Internet. If you enjoy shopping or a movie you better also enjoy driving bc you are going to have to drive at least 30 minutes for walmart and an hour for the mall. If you are a lover of good music or art, you can forget it. If it isn't hunting, fishing, four wheeler riding, or farming you are out of luck.
I actually love my hometown quite a bit. It gave me my love for TV, an ability to accept many different people, a healthy appreciation for not gossiping too much, a giving spirit, a place where I will never be a stranger, and a family I love very much. Like all places, it is about taste. What you want more? Convenience or the peace of nature, anonymity or people in your business but love you, four wheeler riding or art museums....I would recommend it to anyone who loves the country life.
I love that everyone knows everyone. This is bc I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if I have a flat tire the people who stop are there to help me not ass rape me before robbing and shooting me. It also makes you town like a big family. I have never known a situation where there has been a poor person who needed help that did not receive it. The people are tight knit, protective of one another, and love each other regardless of what is going on in their lives.
I love the peacefulness of the country. I don't want to have it everyday but when you need a break it is the place to be. I can sit on my Moms front porch and hear nothing but nature.
I love the pace of life. Things just seem to move a little slower there. People take the time to wave as u pass by. They stop to say hello and ask how you are doing and they mean it. A friday night football game is as exciting as the world series. It is simple but in a good way.
I love that you always know somebody to do that cheap no matter what it is. You need your car fixed, Leroy can do it for half price bc he's your daddy's cousin. You need your roof fixed, Jake will do it bc he just got out of jail and needs work. He's on the prayer list at church. You need your hay hauled, the boys from the football team will do it for free bc the coach, who is married to your brothers best friend, wants them working in the heat before fall training. Well, you get the point.
Now a few reasons I hate it:
People stay in other peoples business. You can't fart silently on my mama's front porch before the whole community knows it stinks. There is ZERO personal space. Again, that whole family thing. They will still love you and they will probably feed you but they will talk about how you married a drunk while they do it.
There is a lot of ignorance. I don't mean stupidity, I mean ignorance. They will vote based on religious belief alone or race or some other stupid issue that won't change and isn't really in their best interest. Often times, they are not accepting of people from the outside. Now, I think this is found everywhere bc city folk aren't usually accepting of country folk either but that just is what it is.
Now, for my biggest hate. It is just simply inconvenient. There is little to no cell service. Good luck with high speed Internet. If you enjoy shopping or a movie you better also enjoy driving bc you are going to have to drive at least 30 minutes for walmart and an hour for the mall. If you are a lover of good music or art, you can forget it. If it isn't hunting, fishing, four wheeler riding, or farming you are out of luck.
I actually love my hometown quite a bit. It gave me my love for TV, an ability to accept many different people, a healthy appreciation for not gossiping too much, a giving spirit, a place where I will never be a stranger, and a family I love very much. Like all places, it is about taste. What you want more? Convenience or the peace of nature, anonymity or people in your business but love you, four wheeler riding or art museums....I would recommend it to anyone who loves the country life.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Admiration
I don't really admire any one person most. I admire many different traits in many different people. There are flaws in me and areas that constantly need improvement. I generally admire those traits in others bc I aspire to master them myself. Here is a brief list...
1. I admire Natalie's ability to love without having emotion ever cloud a decision and her confidence. She is that person that who rarely gets her feelings hurt bc she is able to rationally decipher that the offender has an issue to resolve and simply attempted to take it out on her. She truly believes that she can accomplish anything and she usually does.
2. I admire my Mother's strength. She has been put through the ringer at times. Some of which are the result of her own flaws. But she always puts one foot in front of the other and finds a way to move forward.
3. Sara-Beth's intelligence, work ethic, and wit(sp). Now, I believe that I possess some these as well just not to the degree that she does. She is one of the smartest people I know and unless she is dying, she is working. The intelligence is genetic I guess but the work ethic is learned and you don't see that very often. She has perfect delivery of a one liner and is extremely funny when she chooses.
4.The open heart of Ms. Dixon. She has been a gift to me over the past year and is one of my best friends. I have no doubt that if I called her a 2am bc I was home alone and sick, she would get her 2 kids out of bed and come to my aid. Again, a rare quality these days and I am grateful for it. I would like to think I would do the same.
5. Last but not least, the leadership ability of Martin Luther Kings Jr. Everyone I teach with believes that I need to be in administration bc they see leadership ability in me. I definitely believe that I possess some skills but I don't have anything on him. I search regularly for the ability to lead my students down a better path, myself into a better me, my relationship into a better place, and my friends into greater bonds. Sometimes I find good paths and sometimes I hit walls I can't breach. MLK had the ability to lead thousands of people into marches where they risked their lives and never fought back. That is amazing.
There are other things that I greatly admire in people but I am not interested in writing all day. Everything from the courage of activists to the loyalty of canines to the innocence of children to the free spirit of artists who don't know from where their next paycheck will come. But who has time for all that. I guess I need to go read a self help book now...
1. I admire Natalie's ability to love without having emotion ever cloud a decision and her confidence. She is that person that who rarely gets her feelings hurt bc she is able to rationally decipher that the offender has an issue to resolve and simply attempted to take it out on her. She truly believes that she can accomplish anything and she usually does.
2. I admire my Mother's strength. She has been put through the ringer at times. Some of which are the result of her own flaws. But she always puts one foot in front of the other and finds a way to move forward.
3. Sara-Beth's intelligence, work ethic, and wit(sp). Now, I believe that I possess some these as well just not to the degree that she does. She is one of the smartest people I know and unless she is dying, she is working. The intelligence is genetic I guess but the work ethic is learned and you don't see that very often. She has perfect delivery of a one liner and is extremely funny when she chooses.
4.The open heart of Ms. Dixon. She has been a gift to me over the past year and is one of my best friends. I have no doubt that if I called her a 2am bc I was home alone and sick, she would get her 2 kids out of bed and come to my aid. Again, a rare quality these days and I am grateful for it. I would like to think I would do the same.
5. Last but not least, the leadership ability of Martin Luther Kings Jr. Everyone I teach with believes that I need to be in administration bc they see leadership ability in me. I definitely believe that I possess some skills but I don't have anything on him. I search regularly for the ability to lead my students down a better path, myself into a better me, my relationship into a better place, and my friends into greater bonds. Sometimes I find good paths and sometimes I hit walls I can't breach. MLK had the ability to lead thousands of people into marches where they risked their lives and never fought back. That is amazing.
There are other things that I greatly admire in people but I am not interested in writing all day. Everything from the courage of activists to the loyalty of canines to the innocence of children to the free spirit of artists who don't know from where their next paycheck will come. But who has time for all that. I guess I need to go read a self help book now...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I'm A Copycat....
My worst injury....
By far, if you discount my emotional injury in life, I would have to say that my worst injury came from being hit by a drunk driver. I was driving home from Carlynn's house around 8PM on a country road. I called my mom to let her know I was on my way. I wasn't a mile from Carlynn's house when a black, Nissan truck topped a hill on my side of the road with his lights off. I turned my wheel to try to miss him but it was too late. He hit the front end of my car. Since I had turned the wheels, I did not take the whole impact head on. He came down the side of my car. It is funny how when you are in the situation it is like slow motion. I remember my steering wheel turning and I couldn't stop it.(My car was spinning) When I came to a stop, I remember feeling of my body to be sure I still could. Then I smelled smoke. So, I tried to jump out of the drivers side. The door wouldn't budge. So I climbed out of the passengers side. This large drunk man with blood streaming down his face walked up and said, "you hit me". I sheepishly said, "yes sir". He then walked away as I called 911. Everybody showed up and checked me out. At the time I seemed fine and I went home with my parents as the drunk guy left with the police. So, why is this my worst injury? Well, bc years later after suffering from back pain I was told that I have military neck. My bad neck was caused by a blunt(sp) force trauma. I blame the car wreck and I still have back problems and always will. So, this is my worst injury and also the reason I despise drinking and driving....
Now, the second worst injury came to my pride on Saturday. Soon after marching to help the immigrants in this country, SB and I attempted to leave a parking deck confident that our 2 dollars in change would get us out. Turns out, it had to be quarters and we had change but not quarters. At this point, there were a good 10 cars lined up behind us. So, SB looks at me and said, "You are just gonna have to get out and get some dollars!" So, I got out of the car and went car to car until I found a nice group of old people who traded my 2 dollars in dimes for 2 bills. I returned to the car shamed from panhandling to get out of a parking deck. SB placed the money in the machine and laughed her ass off as we drove back to Tuscaloosa. I will never be the same.
By far, if you discount my emotional injury in life, I would have to say that my worst injury came from being hit by a drunk driver. I was driving home from Carlynn's house around 8PM on a country road. I called my mom to let her know I was on my way. I wasn't a mile from Carlynn's house when a black, Nissan truck topped a hill on my side of the road with his lights off. I turned my wheel to try to miss him but it was too late. He hit the front end of my car. Since I had turned the wheels, I did not take the whole impact head on. He came down the side of my car. It is funny how when you are in the situation it is like slow motion. I remember my steering wheel turning and I couldn't stop it.(My car was spinning) When I came to a stop, I remember feeling of my body to be sure I still could. Then I smelled smoke. So, I tried to jump out of the drivers side. The door wouldn't budge. So I climbed out of the passengers side. This large drunk man with blood streaming down his face walked up and said, "you hit me". I sheepishly said, "yes sir". He then walked away as I called 911. Everybody showed up and checked me out. At the time I seemed fine and I went home with my parents as the drunk guy left with the police. So, why is this my worst injury? Well, bc years later after suffering from back pain I was told that I have military neck. My bad neck was caused by a blunt(sp) force trauma. I blame the car wreck and I still have back problems and always will. So, this is my worst injury and also the reason I despise drinking and driving....
Now, the second worst injury came to my pride on Saturday. Soon after marching to help the immigrants in this country, SB and I attempted to leave a parking deck confident that our 2 dollars in change would get us out. Turns out, it had to be quarters and we had change but not quarters. At this point, there were a good 10 cars lined up behind us. So, SB looks at me and said, "You are just gonna have to get out and get some dollars!" So, I got out of the car and went car to car until I found a nice group of old people who traded my 2 dollars in dimes for 2 bills. I returned to the car shamed from panhandling to get out of a parking deck. SB placed the money in the machine and laughed her ass off as we drove back to Tuscaloosa. I will never be the same.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Just Laugh for Gays Sake
I have been reading about Tracy Morgan and his anti-gay rant during his stand up routine. Now, I do understand that some of the things he said were hurtful. However, I think that people have to start understanding that the world is not black and white and learn to laugh. Now I understand that this is hard for many people. Mainly bc when many people take a moral stance, it is generally from a religious stand point and religion presents most things in black and white. It leaves very little wiggle room. Now, what does this have to do with Morgan. I am getting to that.
Let me start with some examples of what was apparently said:
Gay people need to stop saying they were born that way. They were not born that way bc God doesn't make mistakes. Well, I am one person who has to say that this is an issue where I have to say I don't know.
Intellectually, I believe that love does not see gender, race, or religion. We are a socialized people. We are immersed in social morays from birth. During time periods where homosexuality was acceptable, there were many gay people. In times when that was not acceptable, there were fewer. This isn't bc they weren't there, it was bc they didn't want to be stoned.
Personally, I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to women. I have ZERO attraction to men. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have sex with them.
Not so personally, I would like to point out that the "gay lifestyle" is not the easiest life to lead. Why would a man or woman live a life where he has to hide who he is at work to keep a job? Well, maybe that is a little personal. Why would kids risk ridicule, bullying, violence, and hatred from family if they could just "turn it off". It makes no sense.
So, on the issue, I feel that it is a grey area. Every person has a journey that is different and it isn't cut and dry. Maybe it is that some people are born gay and some are not. Maybe all people are born with the capacity to go either way and socialization, strength of self, and environment is the determining role.
Ugh, I am just starting and my brain already hurts. Plus, I am racing the washing machine bc I have laundry to do.
Now, before I defend Morgan, let me pick one more bone with him. The statement that God makes no mistakes as a reasoning for his belief. Again, the Christian religion practiced by most today attempts to make everything black and white when it just isn't.
1. Don't steal. Ok, this is a good one. I agree with this. Don't take other people's things. But, if I am a homeless kid whose parents kicked me out and it was between a blow job or stealing for dinner, I am gonna take my chances with stealing.
If a father can't feed his family and has a sick child, do we hate him for stealing some Tylenol to bring down the fever. No...Bc these are exceptions to the rule.
2. Don't kill. Again, I agree. Good call. BUT, if I am at home alone and a person breaks into my house and shoots at me, I'm going to shoot back and if said person dies, we all make choices. Guess, he chose the wrong house to break into. Self defense is recognized under the law bc it is a grey area.
Now, to give the Christians a break, my Hindu roommate believes if placed in situation 2 one should just allow it to happen as violence is always wrong. Clearly, I do not agree. So, religious people of the world, please stop trying to make a grey world black and white. I agree that many of the teachings of the Bible, Koran, and various others are good guidelines. But guidelines do not make them absolute on even the easiest topics like murder and stealing.
So, then why do you want to defend him do you ask? Bc there are double standards everywhere and we all are guilty of being a part of them. For instance, I have laughed hard at a Pimp Named Slick Back teaching a dude how to slap a ho. Now, I am a woman and I don't wanna be slapped. But it was humor. I have listened to Bernie Mack talking about punching a kid in the throat. I would never do this but I laughed. I find it funny when Bill Maher calls Noahs Ark a fairy tale no more believable than Jack and the Beanstalk. But Christians probably wouldn't laugh bc it mocks a belief held dear to them. I have laughed at comedians make fun of special people(this may offend parents of special needs kids), white people(this would offend my parents), religious people(this would offend Christians), and everything else under the sun. Of course it is offensive and nobody said you have to agree. I just pointed out above that I agree with none of what he had to say. But he is a comedian. That is what he does. So, get over it. Learn to laugh at yourself and if a person is shown to have true hatred for something that applies to you....F&*k em....
And with that, I ahve to get to this laundry...
Let me start with some examples of what was apparently said:
Gay people need to stop saying they were born that way. They were not born that way bc God doesn't make mistakes. Well, I am one person who has to say that this is an issue where I have to say I don't know.
Intellectually, I believe that love does not see gender, race, or religion. We are a socialized people. We are immersed in social morays from birth. During time periods where homosexuality was acceptable, there were many gay people. In times when that was not acceptable, there were fewer. This isn't bc they weren't there, it was bc they didn't want to be stoned.
Personally, I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to women. I have ZERO attraction to men. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have sex with them.
Not so personally, I would like to point out that the "gay lifestyle" is not the easiest life to lead. Why would a man or woman live a life where he has to hide who he is at work to keep a job? Well, maybe that is a little personal. Why would kids risk ridicule, bullying, violence, and hatred from family if they could just "turn it off". It makes no sense.
So, on the issue, I feel that it is a grey area. Every person has a journey that is different and it isn't cut and dry. Maybe it is that some people are born gay and some are not. Maybe all people are born with the capacity to go either way and socialization, strength of self, and environment is the determining role.
Ugh, I am just starting and my brain already hurts. Plus, I am racing the washing machine bc I have laundry to do.
Now, before I defend Morgan, let me pick one more bone with him. The statement that God makes no mistakes as a reasoning for his belief. Again, the Christian religion practiced by most today attempts to make everything black and white when it just isn't.
1. Don't steal. Ok, this is a good one. I agree with this. Don't take other people's things. But, if I am a homeless kid whose parents kicked me out and it was between a blow job or stealing for dinner, I am gonna take my chances with stealing.
If a father can't feed his family and has a sick child, do we hate him for stealing some Tylenol to bring down the fever. No...Bc these are exceptions to the rule.
2. Don't kill. Again, I agree. Good call. BUT, if I am at home alone and a person breaks into my house and shoots at me, I'm going to shoot back and if said person dies, we all make choices. Guess, he chose the wrong house to break into. Self defense is recognized under the law bc it is a grey area.
Now, to give the Christians a break, my Hindu roommate believes if placed in situation 2 one should just allow it to happen as violence is always wrong. Clearly, I do not agree. So, religious people of the world, please stop trying to make a grey world black and white. I agree that many of the teachings of the Bible, Koran, and various others are good guidelines. But guidelines do not make them absolute on even the easiest topics like murder and stealing.
So, then why do you want to defend him do you ask? Bc there are double standards everywhere and we all are guilty of being a part of them. For instance, I have laughed hard at a Pimp Named Slick Back teaching a dude how to slap a ho. Now, I am a woman and I don't wanna be slapped. But it was humor. I have listened to Bernie Mack talking about punching a kid in the throat. I would never do this but I laughed. I find it funny when Bill Maher calls Noahs Ark a fairy tale no more believable than Jack and the Beanstalk. But Christians probably wouldn't laugh bc it mocks a belief held dear to them. I have laughed at comedians make fun of special people(this may offend parents of special needs kids), white people(this would offend my parents), religious people(this would offend Christians), and everything else under the sun. Of course it is offensive and nobody said you have to agree. I just pointed out above that I agree with none of what he had to say. But he is a comedian. That is what he does. So, get over it. Learn to laugh at yourself and if a person is shown to have true hatred for something that applies to you....F&*k em....
And with that, I ahve to get to this laundry...
Monday, June 6, 2011
Tolerance vs Acceptance
Today I was awakened to a difficult conversation. This led me to think about the difference between acceptance and toleration. Now usually if I were discussing this topic it would be in regard to GLBT. I hate it when people say they are tolerant. Tolerant and acceptance are 2 different things. I am tolerant of the teacher down the hall from me that baby talks but I don't accept her. So, I am not very tolerant of people who say they are my Friend but are simply tolerant of me being a lesbian. Truthfully, I don't make friends easily and this is why. Because I am not tolerant of your children, if we are friends I accept the little monsters even if they are bad. I am not tolerant of your cheating husband, I accept him and I love him bc clearly you do. I am not tolerant of your inability to have a sober night, I accept that you can't cope without the alcohol and help you get to your room when you need it. Now, this is not to say that I expect people to agree all the time. I don't. I simply believe that we all have parts of our lives that other people may not agree with or like. But if you are truly a friend, you accept that person as they are bc you love them. I am also not saying this is easy bc it isn't, especially when it hits close to home.
So, there is a person in my life who I have tolerated bc I felt I had to do so. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes bc honestly, in most cases, I just wouldn't talk to her. But in this case I really don't have too much choice. She is causing major damage to people I love very much and bc she can't be removed from the situation, I think we all need to find some acceptance. Now, this is the hard part. When you look at a person and for the most part they are a piece of shit to everyone around them, it is hard to accept them. However, worrying about who they should have been or what could have been different only hurts us, it doesn't effect said person. So, I think it is time we all just understand that she is a selfish piece of trash who is going to do whatever she wants regardless of what is right. Maybe this way the stress will go down and we can love what is somewhat lovable bc we don't hate her so much for all the stress.
So, the moral of the story....If you can't accept not tolerate that I am with a woman, don't be my friend. I would rather have 1 friend who truly accepts me than 10 who like me but hate my lifestyle. My lifestyle is a part of me. You have to take the whole package or nothing at all bc we choose our friends. You don't have to choose me. Second, If there is someone in life that you really can't choose about, then find a way to accept them and not stress over all the ignorant crap they bring into our lives. Because otherwise we are killing ourselves instead of hiring someone to kill them bc we are decent people who would never do such a thing.
So, there is a person in my life who I have tolerated bc I felt I had to do so. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes bc honestly, in most cases, I just wouldn't talk to her. But in this case I really don't have too much choice. She is causing major damage to people I love very much and bc she can't be removed from the situation, I think we all need to find some acceptance. Now, this is the hard part. When you look at a person and for the most part they are a piece of shit to everyone around them, it is hard to accept them. However, worrying about who they should have been or what could have been different only hurts us, it doesn't effect said person. So, I think it is time we all just understand that she is a selfish piece of trash who is going to do whatever she wants regardless of what is right. Maybe this way the stress will go down and we can love what is somewhat lovable bc we don't hate her so much for all the stress.
So, the moral of the story....If you can't accept not tolerate that I am with a woman, don't be my friend. I would rather have 1 friend who truly accepts me than 10 who like me but hate my lifestyle. My lifestyle is a part of me. You have to take the whole package or nothing at all bc we choose our friends. You don't have to choose me. Second, If there is someone in life that you really can't choose about, then find a way to accept them and not stress over all the ignorant crap they bring into our lives. Because otherwise we are killing ourselves instead of hiring someone to kill them bc we are decent people who would never do such a thing.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Online Course...
Well, since I am virtually bored out of my mind here at home and I need hours for certification, I decided to take an online professional development regarding technology in the classroom. So, I read the first set of information given and I actually agree with quite a bit of the content. It basically stated that the children of today are technology natives and all others are technology immigrants. That these kids brains are literally different from ours bc they have been so exposed to technology. Therefore, they need fast pace information and we as technology immigrants have to learn to speak their language.
I kind of see myself as a hybrid here. I mean I love FB and I can play Zumba, talk on the phone, and watch tv and keep up pretty well. I know prefer a good documentary or film to reading a history book and I read more on cnn daily than I have ever read in a newspaper. These are things my parents feel are foreign and could not imagine trying to do all at once. Having said all this, I see 2 problems emerging without any solution.
Problem 1: Children's lack of ability to think or retain information. The article wants teachers to do most of their teaching through technology driven activities(which will be part of problem 2) or through "out of you seat, moving activities". An example of this would be having the students act out the Nuremberg trials as opposed to reading them or taking notes. Well, I agree acting it out will help them retain information but there is no way given for them to get the information to act it out. They don't know what the trial is, who the people were, or why it is important. So, it seems to me this would be a great activity after a basic lecture for base info but not the lesson in and of itself.
Problem 2: I have found that my kids learn more when the lecture notes are on powerpoint with pictures and video embedded as opposed to reading or completing a worksheet. I also agree that they would probably do very well if they were allowed to do webquests and explore the Holocaust Museum Online. So, where you as is the problem. Where are these computers going to com from? (Side note for SB: It hurt to end this sentence with a preposition but it is how I would say it) People in this country do not want to fund education enough for Lee High school to have air conditioning and heat or to provide me with a computer that works much less provide every kid with a laptop or Ipad to complete classwork.
So, I feel like again, there are some bright minds out there pointing out what is wrong and what can fix it but no viable solution to put the fix into practice. It is frustrating and I wish sometimes that I had the balls to quit being a drone in the nonworking system and be a fighter for real solutions being put into place. But, I don't have those balls but I do have these bills. So, I guess I will just doing what I can with what I have and making my classroom as interesting as I can with what I have.....
I kind of see myself as a hybrid here. I mean I love FB and I can play Zumba, talk on the phone, and watch tv and keep up pretty well. I know prefer a good documentary or film to reading a history book and I read more on cnn daily than I have ever read in a newspaper. These are things my parents feel are foreign and could not imagine trying to do all at once. Having said all this, I see 2 problems emerging without any solution.
Problem 1: Children's lack of ability to think or retain information. The article wants teachers to do most of their teaching through technology driven activities(which will be part of problem 2) or through "out of you seat, moving activities". An example of this would be having the students act out the Nuremberg trials as opposed to reading them or taking notes. Well, I agree acting it out will help them retain information but there is no way given for them to get the information to act it out. They don't know what the trial is, who the people were, or why it is important. So, it seems to me this would be a great activity after a basic lecture for base info but not the lesson in and of itself.
Problem 2: I have found that my kids learn more when the lecture notes are on powerpoint with pictures and video embedded as opposed to reading or completing a worksheet. I also agree that they would probably do very well if they were allowed to do webquests and explore the Holocaust Museum Online. So, where you as is the problem. Where are these computers going to com from? (Side note for SB: It hurt to end this sentence with a preposition but it is how I would say it) People in this country do not want to fund education enough for Lee High school to have air conditioning and heat or to provide me with a computer that works much less provide every kid with a laptop or Ipad to complete classwork.
So, I feel like again, there are some bright minds out there pointing out what is wrong and what can fix it but no viable solution to put the fix into practice. It is frustrating and I wish sometimes that I had the balls to quit being a drone in the nonworking system and be a fighter for real solutions being put into place. But, I don't have those balls but I do have these bills. So, I guess I will just doing what I can with what I have and making my classroom as interesting as I can with what I have.....
Sunday, May 22, 2011
So, this week will be my last week of school and I am starting to think I am more strange than most. This is because i am really not looking forward to it. I mean, the break from the kids will be nice but I am better when i have a routine and some security. So, moving into a summer with no real schedule and no job is not appealing to me. Therefore, i am trying to find things to occupy some of my time.
First, I am looking for a job. I have already started applying and hopefully something will come through quickly so that I am not anxious about it all summer. Second, I am going to make the gym a daily thing and on days when I have nothing else going on a two time a day thing. Third, I have signed up for some professional development. I am going to go to some training every week. This will take up a half to a whole day once or twice a week, boost my resume, and meet my requirements for certification renewal. Fourth, I am searching for a part time job a few days a week. It may come through, it may not but one can hope. Finally, once I have secured employment, I need to look for a new living situation. So, all in all I am trying to fill my summer with productivity on a professional level.
On the personal side, I am hoping to spend some time with SB and my family. Usually I move my things to Tuscaloosa and call it a summer. This year, I am not doing this which is weird but I am sure I will survive. So, hopefully some long weekends volunteering and hanging out will suffice. As far as my family, I think I have some training lined up in Mobile that will merge seeing the family and getting some work hours. Then there is ATL. I definitely need to spend some time getting to know the newest addition to the family. I feel like I don't know her at all and she is my namesake after all.
So, that is my outlook. I am not excited about the uncertainty or the lack of schedule or the lack of spending all of my time in one place. It really makes me anxious. However, I feel confident that my proactive approach to dealing with the negative will help to make it positive.
So, here is to a great last week with my crazy kids and a good summer to follow...
First, I am looking for a job. I have already started applying and hopefully something will come through quickly so that I am not anxious about it all summer. Second, I am going to make the gym a daily thing and on days when I have nothing else going on a two time a day thing. Third, I have signed up for some professional development. I am going to go to some training every week. This will take up a half to a whole day once or twice a week, boost my resume, and meet my requirements for certification renewal. Fourth, I am searching for a part time job a few days a week. It may come through, it may not but one can hope. Finally, once I have secured employment, I need to look for a new living situation. So, all in all I am trying to fill my summer with productivity on a professional level.
On the personal side, I am hoping to spend some time with SB and my family. Usually I move my things to Tuscaloosa and call it a summer. This year, I am not doing this which is weird but I am sure I will survive. So, hopefully some long weekends volunteering and hanging out will suffice. As far as my family, I think I have some training lined up in Mobile that will merge seeing the family and getting some work hours. Then there is ATL. I definitely need to spend some time getting to know the newest addition to the family. I feel like I don't know her at all and she is my namesake after all.
So, that is my outlook. I am not excited about the uncertainty or the lack of schedule or the lack of spending all of my time in one place. It really makes me anxious. However, I feel confident that my proactive approach to dealing with the negative will help to make it positive.
So, here is to a great last week with my crazy kids and a good summer to follow...
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
I got Nothin
Yeah so, I am not too busy tonight for a change. So, I had a conversation with J, Anna, and Ray who are all reasonably intelligent people. Now, I love a good, intelligent conversation about the world, social issues, etc. However, the more I have, the more I realize how daunting things are and how I nor anyone else I know has a real idea of how to make it all better. Dealing with the issues of racism, poverty, crime, classism, ect. there are just no really good answers. I mean, I don't like having to pay for people to continually work the system. However, I don't want to abandon kids who are here and didn't ask for the situation. Rock and hard place. I don't want to see American jobs placed overseas because labor is cheaper. However, I don't want to pay $200.00 a pair of shoes that used to be 65 because an American worker demands 50K a year to watch a computer for 8 hours while a Chinese person will do it for 10K. Again, no easy answer. How does one solve these problems?
Well, I don't believe the current state of affairs will ever lead to any reconciliation and I also think that one must sometimes strive for better while knowing that some things have always been and will quite possibly always be. I mean, I strive daily to help children with no sense of direction, no moral compass, and no idea of what Alabama even looks like on a map to believe that they can be more than a Walmart employee and they can make a decent living by legal means. Why is this such an uphill battle? Why is it so hard to see that education could be your way out? Well, bc they are integrated and socialized by everything around them to believe that dealing drugs leads to a good rap deal and if you are a good bball player you can go pro. They are raising themselves bc their parents are 30 and they are 15. They have never received respect bc they believe that it is something that can be demanded, not earned. So, again, I face a never ending cycle of watching children make the same errors their parents have made. And it is hard to tell a kid that their parent(this is often times a hero to a kid) is not the kind of person they want to be. Thus, I take on this fight everyday knowing that there are no easy answers and that more than half of the kids I work so hard for will remain in this cycle and probably raise the next generation of that cycle. I often ponder ways to change an entire culture in a positive manner to end such cycles and really, it always just hurts my brain. The truth is, there have always been poor. There have always been immoral. There have always been crime. So, maybe I should just accept that there will always be those things.
Then I look at the situation in Tuscaloosa where there are so many poor people who have nothing. They are now totally dependent on the good will of others and I know that though it may be an up hill battle, there have to be people willing to take that challenge and make the differences in society where they can. If not, what are we all really here for. I mean, I consider myself the working poor bc I live paycheck to paycheck. But, I have a paycheck. If I know a better way, it is my moral responsibility not just as an American citizen, but also as a human being to try to light that path for other people.
So, after pondering these issues, I believe that I have decided it is not easy and hell, the truth is I don't know anybody with any real answers to most of these problems. However, it is the responsibility of the intelligent, compassionate people of the world to do what we can, when we can, to try to make a difference. Whether that difference is one child at a time, one tree limb at a time, or one donated plate at a time so that one day we as humans can leave this world knowing that it is a little brighter than it was before we entered.
And yes, I do realize that I answered none of the worlds problems.
Well, I don't believe the current state of affairs will ever lead to any reconciliation and I also think that one must sometimes strive for better while knowing that some things have always been and will quite possibly always be. I mean, I strive daily to help children with no sense of direction, no moral compass, and no idea of what Alabama even looks like on a map to believe that they can be more than a Walmart employee and they can make a decent living by legal means. Why is this such an uphill battle? Why is it so hard to see that education could be your way out? Well, bc they are integrated and socialized by everything around them to believe that dealing drugs leads to a good rap deal and if you are a good bball player you can go pro. They are raising themselves bc their parents are 30 and they are 15. They have never received respect bc they believe that it is something that can be demanded, not earned. So, again, I face a never ending cycle of watching children make the same errors their parents have made. And it is hard to tell a kid that their parent(this is often times a hero to a kid) is not the kind of person they want to be. Thus, I take on this fight everyday knowing that there are no easy answers and that more than half of the kids I work so hard for will remain in this cycle and probably raise the next generation of that cycle. I often ponder ways to change an entire culture in a positive manner to end such cycles and really, it always just hurts my brain. The truth is, there have always been poor. There have always been immoral. There have always been crime. So, maybe I should just accept that there will always be those things.
Then I look at the situation in Tuscaloosa where there are so many poor people who have nothing. They are now totally dependent on the good will of others and I know that though it may be an up hill battle, there have to be people willing to take that challenge and make the differences in society where they can. If not, what are we all really here for. I mean, I consider myself the working poor bc I live paycheck to paycheck. But, I have a paycheck. If I know a better way, it is my moral responsibility not just as an American citizen, but also as a human being to try to light that path for other people.
So, after pondering these issues, I believe that I have decided it is not easy and hell, the truth is I don't know anybody with any real answers to most of these problems. However, it is the responsibility of the intelligent, compassionate people of the world to do what we can, when we can, to try to make a difference. Whether that difference is one child at a time, one tree limb at a time, or one donated plate at a time so that one day we as humans can leave this world knowing that it is a little brighter than it was before we entered.
And yes, I do realize that I answered none of the worlds problems.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Goodbye Good Teachers
Ok, to this point I have remained relatively silent when it comes to the attack on teachers being mounted by the Alabama government. I read the articles and I don't love it but it is the comments that really piss me off. Thus, I can't take it anymore. There are holes in my tongue from all the biting. So, here we go.
I am SICK of all of the great people of this state who believe that we, "over paid babysitters", are greedy. I am even more sick of the argument that we don't do anything and that we are the problem. Thus, I am going to give you a run down of a typical day in the life of THIS teacher.
5:00 AM The alarm goes off
5:30 I get out of bed and get ready for work.
6:15 I leave my house
6:45 I arrive in the office to sign in and check my mail for parent conferences before heading to my room
7:00 I am in my classroom turning on my computer, smartboard,and laptop(which is mine not provided by the school) before writing assignments, warm ups, objectives, and national and state standards on my board
7:10 I am checking email for announcements and ISS names to ensure I have work assignments for them
7:20 The bell rings for school/I am in the hallway directing traffic and ensuring there are no fights before class begins
7:30-9:20 I am actively engaging my students in group work, individual practice, lecture, reading, etc. while never turning my back on the students bc if I do there could be anything from someone throwing a pen to an all out brawl.
9:20-10:15 I am on my planning period which means talking to co-teachers about struggling students and strategies to help them, making parent calls, filling out FBA's, or making copies for the next day. NO BREAK HERE
10:15-11:10 I am actively engaging my students in group work, individual practice, lecture, reading, etc. while never turning my back on the students bc if I do there could be anything from someone throwing a pen to an all out brawl.
11:10-11:55 I am escorting my students to lunch, sitting with them while they eat to deter induvidual fights or food fights, escorting them back to class, and supervising them in the hallway while they rotate to the restroom
11:55-2:45 I am actively engaging my students in group work, individual practice, lecture, reading, etc. while never turning my back on the students bc if I do there could be anything from someone throwing a pen to an all out brawl.
2:45-3:00 I clear the hallways and prepare my classroom for tutoring
*Somewhere in this, I also monitor 750 ninth graders in the hallways, break up fights, council students who are close to fights, listen to kids who are going through unimaginable home lives, give make up work and tests, keep problem students for other teachers, and keep track of truancy
3:00-4:30 I tutor struggling students in English and Reading through one on one attention and group work
4:30-6:00 I am in the auditorium working with the step team on routines for each upcoming show. (They are awesome by the way/I am proud of them)
6:00 I am locking my classroom and making sure no step members need a ride home
6:15 I am either heading home or taking a student home before heading home.
6:45-7:00 I am arriving home to eat dinner before working on a power point lecture, putting grades in INOW, grading papers, or completing my mountain of continual paperwork
8:30-9:30 Talking to SB, checking FB
9:30-10:00 Getting all things prepared for the next day/Paperwork, lunch packed, etc.
10:00 Getting in bed to toss and turn for 30 minutes turning my brain off from all the things I didn't get done before going to bed.
Finally falling asleep just to get up and go again.
Now, this is not complaining. I love what I do. So, please don't tell me if I don't like it, find a new job. I don't like it. I love it. That is why I do it. However, it is quite offensive to be told repeatedly that I don't work or that I don't deserve a decent paycheck or that I do deserve a pay cut bc I am greedy. Ask my bank account if I am greedy. Ask my students who can't afford a step uniform but miraculously have one if I am greedy. Ask the kids without paper or pens if i am greedy. Ask the young lady whose mother was buried by the 1,000 dollars given by teachers and administrators at Lee High School if I am greedy. You, dear ignorant people of Alabama, have no idea what greedy is. I work my ass off and I give until I have nothing left for the betterment of the children of this state. So, next time you feel the need to accuse teachers of greed, laziness, or incompetence please refer to this blog and my schedule.
Now, having gone through that, Alabama only has 2 things to offer good teachers at this point in time.
1. Tenure- I am not a tenured teacher and I get laid off yearly bc of that. However, it is what keeps good teachers in Alabama which does not pay as well as other states over time.
2. Retirement/Insurance- I get great insurance for a low price and a good retirement for the same. Again, if I can't have that, why not go to GA and make more money.
Therefore, citizens of Alabama, what are you going to do when all good teachers leave for greener pastures and you are left with the few teachers who really are crappy and can't find a job anywhere else. Good luck with that.
I am SICK of all of the great people of this state who believe that we, "over paid babysitters", are greedy. I am even more sick of the argument that we don't do anything and that we are the problem. Thus, I am going to give you a run down of a typical day in the life of THIS teacher.
5:00 AM The alarm goes off
5:30 I get out of bed and get ready for work.
6:15 I leave my house
6:45 I arrive in the office to sign in and check my mail for parent conferences before heading to my room
7:00 I am in my classroom turning on my computer, smartboard,and laptop(which is mine not provided by the school) before writing assignments, warm ups, objectives, and national and state standards on my board
7:10 I am checking email for announcements and ISS names to ensure I have work assignments for them
7:20 The bell rings for school/I am in the hallway directing traffic and ensuring there are no fights before class begins
7:30-9:20 I am actively engaging my students in group work, individual practice, lecture, reading, etc. while never turning my back on the students bc if I do there could be anything from someone throwing a pen to an all out brawl.
9:20-10:15 I am on my planning period which means talking to co-teachers about struggling students and strategies to help them, making parent calls, filling out FBA's, or making copies for the next day. NO BREAK HERE
10:15-11:10 I am actively engaging my students in group work, individual practice, lecture, reading, etc. while never turning my back on the students bc if I do there could be anything from someone throwing a pen to an all out brawl.
11:10-11:55 I am escorting my students to lunch, sitting with them while they eat to deter induvidual fights or food fights, escorting them back to class, and supervising them in the hallway while they rotate to the restroom
11:55-2:45 I am actively engaging my students in group work, individual practice, lecture, reading, etc. while never turning my back on the students bc if I do there could be anything from someone throwing a pen to an all out brawl.
2:45-3:00 I clear the hallways and prepare my classroom for tutoring
*Somewhere in this, I also monitor 750 ninth graders in the hallways, break up fights, council students who are close to fights, listen to kids who are going through unimaginable home lives, give make up work and tests, keep problem students for other teachers, and keep track of truancy
3:00-4:30 I tutor struggling students in English and Reading through one on one attention and group work
4:30-6:00 I am in the auditorium working with the step team on routines for each upcoming show. (They are awesome by the way/I am proud of them)
6:00 I am locking my classroom and making sure no step members need a ride home
6:15 I am either heading home or taking a student home before heading home.
6:45-7:00 I am arriving home to eat dinner before working on a power point lecture, putting grades in INOW, grading papers, or completing my mountain of continual paperwork
8:30-9:30 Talking to SB, checking FB
9:30-10:00 Getting all things prepared for the next day/Paperwork, lunch packed, etc.
10:00 Getting in bed to toss and turn for 30 minutes turning my brain off from all the things I didn't get done before going to bed.
Finally falling asleep just to get up and go again.
Now, this is not complaining. I love what I do. So, please don't tell me if I don't like it, find a new job. I don't like it. I love it. That is why I do it. However, it is quite offensive to be told repeatedly that I don't work or that I don't deserve a decent paycheck or that I do deserve a pay cut bc I am greedy. Ask my bank account if I am greedy. Ask my students who can't afford a step uniform but miraculously have one if I am greedy. Ask the kids without paper or pens if i am greedy. Ask the young lady whose mother was buried by the 1,000 dollars given by teachers and administrators at Lee High School if I am greedy. You, dear ignorant people of Alabama, have no idea what greedy is. I work my ass off and I give until I have nothing left for the betterment of the children of this state. So, next time you feel the need to accuse teachers of greed, laziness, or incompetence please refer to this blog and my schedule.
Now, having gone through that, Alabama only has 2 things to offer good teachers at this point in time.
1. Tenure- I am not a tenured teacher and I get laid off yearly bc of that. However, it is what keeps good teachers in Alabama which does not pay as well as other states over time.
2. Retirement/Insurance- I get great insurance for a low price and a good retirement for the same. Again, if I can't have that, why not go to GA and make more money.
Therefore, citizens of Alabama, what are you going to do when all good teachers leave for greener pastures and you are left with the few teachers who really are crappy and can't find a job anywhere else. Good luck with that.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Random Things
After having a long, but good weekend, I thought I would blog before working. If I start work first, I probably won't get to the blog.
Well, first, I have had a UTI and not felt very well. It came at a bad time because this weekend was my step team's last big performance and I refused to not be there. So, I took my meds and depended on Ms. Dixon to come pick me up for the event. Well, once we were there and in our seats, the event began. Now, I am not overly religious. OK, I'm not religious at all. But sometimes I just feel totally out of place and a little offended by it.
So, this dude gets up and the said, "If you love Jesus get on your feet." Well, I was the only person of 1000 sitting. Now, this was at a public university, not a church. So, there could have been anyone of any faith there. None the less, I just let that go until the prayer started and the preacher stated, "lord, we both know that many people here are gonna indulge when they leave here tonight. But you can be the tires and the steering wheel." Now, I agree that many of those college kids were already drunk. But really, you pray that God help the intoxicated people(which is a sin) who were going to risk all of our lives by driving(all kinda sins in driving drunk) get home safely. The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth.
However, I was surprised to learn that SB was coming to Montgomery to take care of me. This is super cool bc being sick is just one of those things we have to deal with when it comes to the other. I am that person who wants to be pitiful and wants to be taken care of. SB is that person who wants to be alone and not be bothered until she feels better. Thus, she doesn't love my need to take care of her and I don't love her not wanting to deal with sick me. So, I felt very special and loved when she decided to be up half of the night while I tossed and turned and whined.
Now, this afternoon I get 10th call from Natalie and Edie asking if I am coming home for Easter bc they are. It began with,
You need to come bc the whole family can be together.
Then it moved to,
You need to come see the kids. They miss you.
Finally, the truth arrives,
Edie needs a heathen partner to stay home from church with her.
Oh, one must love the family. Now to get on that work that needs to be done.
Well, first, I have had a UTI and not felt very well. It came at a bad time because this weekend was my step team's last big performance and I refused to not be there. So, I took my meds and depended on Ms. Dixon to come pick me up for the event. Well, once we were there and in our seats, the event began. Now, I am not overly religious. OK, I'm not religious at all. But sometimes I just feel totally out of place and a little offended by it.
So, this dude gets up and the said, "If you love Jesus get on your feet." Well, I was the only person of 1000 sitting. Now, this was at a public university, not a church. So, there could have been anyone of any faith there. None the less, I just let that go until the prayer started and the preacher stated, "lord, we both know that many people here are gonna indulge when they leave here tonight. But you can be the tires and the steering wheel." Now, I agree that many of those college kids were already drunk. But really, you pray that God help the intoxicated people(which is a sin) who were going to risk all of our lives by driving(all kinda sins in driving drunk) get home safely. The whole thing just left a bad taste in my mouth.
However, I was surprised to learn that SB was coming to Montgomery to take care of me. This is super cool bc being sick is just one of those things we have to deal with when it comes to the other. I am that person who wants to be pitiful and wants to be taken care of. SB is that person who wants to be alone and not be bothered until she feels better. Thus, she doesn't love my need to take care of her and I don't love her not wanting to deal with sick me. So, I felt very special and loved when she decided to be up half of the night while I tossed and turned and whined.
Now, this afternoon I get 10th call from Natalie and Edie asking if I am coming home for Easter bc they are. It began with,
You need to come bc the whole family can be together.
Then it moved to,
You need to come see the kids. They miss you.
Finally, the truth arrives,
Edie needs a heathen partner to stay home from church with her.
Oh, one must love the family. Now to get on that work that needs to be done.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Living the College Dream
So, this weekend I realized that I really don't have any college friends. Well, really it was pointed out by SB who asked why she had never met my college friends. The answer was that I really didn't make any close friends in college. This could have been bc i never lived on campus or bc I am antisocial in general. Either way, they don't exist.
Thus, I came home a little down about my lack of people with whom I shared those kinds of memories. Then, last night I was sitting around talking with J and Whitney(my roomates at 30) and I realized I am living that dream now. J and Whitney are completely nothing like me and yet we all mesh. We talk for hours.(sometimes to the detriment of my work) We laugh, discuss our lives and politics, and then make fun of the other people's flaws bc well, it's fun. I imagine this is what I would have done with college roomates or friends. Maybe I am just a late bloomer at everything.
Therefore, SB I do have some friends you need to meet. They just didn't graduate or even attend Alabama.
Thus, I came home a little down about my lack of people with whom I shared those kinds of memories. Then, last night I was sitting around talking with J and Whitney(my roomates at 30) and I realized I am living that dream now. J and Whitney are completely nothing like me and yet we all mesh. We talk for hours.(sometimes to the detriment of my work) We laugh, discuss our lives and politics, and then make fun of the other people's flaws bc well, it's fun. I imagine this is what I would have done with college roomates or friends. Maybe I am just a late bloomer at everything.
Therefore, SB I do have some friends you need to meet. They just didn't graduate or even attend Alabama.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
A Positive Moment...
So, this week has been hard but I am getting through. My insomnia is at a fever pitch. I guess that is because I have been so busy during the days that it is the only time I give the anxiety a moment to get to me. None the less, during tutoring today, Mrs. R, who is awesome anyway came by my room. Thus, I asked her to give it to me straight. I know the board is cutting over 200 teachers and I'm not tenured, so what are my chances. She said, "Ms. Turner, I can't keep you from getting the pink slip. But my opinion matters and I promise you will return". Now, this assumes that I want to return I guess. But it is nice to know that someone in such a high position believes I am a great teacher and will fight for me. It made me feel appreciated.
On an even better note, I had my kids do political cartoons today. I expected this to be like pulling teeth. However, I was impressed. My favorite was the drawing of a slot machine. Across the machine was a pic of the earth splitting, then a giant wave, and finally a nuclear sign. Above the picture read, Japan. Below the picture read, The Disaster Jackpot. Now that was pretty good.
Finally, I don't understand why people do things just to save face. I say this bc I am being pressured to attend the Bday party of a teacher I don't like. I mean, he really sucks and he has invited the whole school bc he is into himself. Now, my reaction to the invite was automatically NO. However, some of my teacher pals are going "just to check it out". This I don't understand bc not only do I not want to check out all the money he spent, but also I do not want to check out all of the old people from the school I really don't like. Therefore, my answer is still NO. I have a really HUGE Saturday and I kinda want to spend Friday mentally preparing. So, it isn't that I have a problem saying no, it is just that I don't understand feeling the need to "show my face". Ugh....I digress.
On an even better note, I had my kids do political cartoons today. I expected this to be like pulling teeth. However, I was impressed. My favorite was the drawing of a slot machine. Across the machine was a pic of the earth splitting, then a giant wave, and finally a nuclear sign. Above the picture read, Japan. Below the picture read, The Disaster Jackpot. Now that was pretty good.
Finally, I don't understand why people do things just to save face. I say this bc I am being pressured to attend the Bday party of a teacher I don't like. I mean, he really sucks and he has invited the whole school bc he is into himself. Now, my reaction to the invite was automatically NO. However, some of my teacher pals are going "just to check it out". This I don't understand bc not only do I not want to check out all the money he spent, but also I do not want to check out all of the old people from the school I really don't like. Therefore, my answer is still NO. I have a really HUGE Saturday and I kinda want to spend Friday mentally preparing. So, it isn't that I have a problem saying no, it is just that I don't understand feeling the need to "show my face". Ugh....I digress.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Back to Work
Yeah, so today was day one on the push to summer. Most people were not happy about returning. However, after the day I had yesterday, I was stoked. I mean, for some reason, yesterday was my anxiety day. I literally had a panic attack while just sitting in a chair. It was strange in that I was feeling emotional yesterday, but I had remained pretty positive even in the midst of wanting to fall apart. Therefore, I was a bit surprised by the whole thing. Now on to brighter moments.
Today went so smoothly. Most of the kids chose to take an extra day off and those that were present were comatose bc they had to wake before noon. However, I will say after not sleeping at all last night(yes, NONE) I am currently as tired as a prostitute in Charlie Sheen's house myself. But I must avoid napping or my fate will be the same tonight.
Student Quotes of the Day:
Me: Today we are going to do some popcorn reading
Student: Dang Ms. Turner, you know I can't read.
Me: Yes, you can
Student: No really, I'm on a 4th Grade level
Me: DB, If I ask you again not to talk while others are reading you are out and I'm writing you up.
DB talks again
Me: DB (Pointing to the Door)
Another Student: And your write up papers will be right behind you Chief...
Student 1: Why you keep callin on me, gul?
Student 2: Cuz you da slowest reader in here and I aint tryin to get to those questions
Me: Speechless
Glad I had a day free from my thoughts and filled with theirs....
Today went so smoothly. Most of the kids chose to take an extra day off and those that were present were comatose bc they had to wake before noon. However, I will say after not sleeping at all last night(yes, NONE) I am currently as tired as a prostitute in Charlie Sheen's house myself. But I must avoid napping or my fate will be the same tonight.
Student Quotes of the Day:
Me: Today we are going to do some popcorn reading
Student: Dang Ms. Turner, you know I can't read.
Me: Yes, you can
Student: No really, I'm on a 4th Grade level
Me: DB, If I ask you again not to talk while others are reading you are out and I'm writing you up.
DB talks again
Me: DB (Pointing to the Door)
Another Student: And your write up papers will be right behind you Chief...
Student 1: Why you keep callin on me, gul?
Student 2: Cuz you da slowest reader in here and I aint tryin to get to those questions
Me: Speechless
Glad I had a day free from my thoughts and filled with theirs....
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Spring What?
Today is officially the last day of my spring break. It has been quite busy indeed which is probably a good thing. Though I do enjoy the time i have spent reflecting and being alone, too much of that makes me super emotional these days. So, here is the rundown of what i have learned over spring break.
1. I love my family. They are completely hectic and I get no rest when I am near them. However, I always miss them when i leave.
2. I have some really good friends who haven't let me down. Please believe that they are a little nuts and love to have a good time. However, for an antisocial girl like me, they have definitely renewed my faith in friendship and loyalty. I haven't even known them for an entire year and they have rallied around me like a circle of warriors and held me up. Completely Awesome!
3. Time alone and lost in thought and emotion is a really good thing when taken in small doses. I am very grateful to be at a place in my life where I truly feel. I feel both good and bad emotion and that is ok with me.
4. Religion is not of the devil. I have spent some time really studying Buddhism and comparing it to Christianity bc of course Christianity was my first. lol. I believe that when taken in a very personal context, wisdom in any form can help you to center yourself and healthily deal with the obstacles of life. I don't think they should be used as a crutch of solice bc that lends itself to not really looking inside you for the courage to face this life as it is and find the good in it. However, as a guide, it can lead to some deep thought and even deeper emotion.
5. Life is indeed fleeting. The only male on the VC lost one of his closest friends over spring break to a completely senseless act of violence. He was a graduate student who planned to be a teacher. He got out of his car to pump gas and was gunned downed by a kid who had nothing to live for and thus cared about no person including himself. As I watched and listened to JM attempt to come to terms with his loss and the lack of fairness in the whole situation, I began to grasp even more fully that we truly only have today. Which kinda made me sad but also kinda gave me renewed hope. I mean, we plan our whole lives for tomorrow. What we will drive, who we will be with, where we will live, etc and we forget that today is a gift. Now, that isn't to say that nobody should plan for the future or strive to be in a better place tomorrow than they are today. That would just be irresponsible. But it is also irresponsible not enjoy the life you have. Maybe I don't have it all together all the time. But hey, who does? Maybe I need to cry my eyes out before i fall asleep or maybe I need to skip work at home to have ice cream or maybe I need to write under the shade tree on Saturday afternoon instead of going out. I will never have today again. I need to find positivity and beauty in this day. Everything may not be what I want it to be. However, there is indeed beauty in today. It is my job to find that beauty and let it shine within me. This is not always easy, but it is doable...
Now for something a little less life altering and a little more current events. The things going on in Japan just seem surreal. I mean, I watch the video footage and it is truly like watching a movie. It is crazy to think that it is real. Mother nature can be such a cruel mistress. Next, we just frickin attacked Libya. I am in no way ok with the way that the government there is treating its people. However, is it really the United States or the World's business to create freedom for these people. I mean, I want everyone to have freedom and I think it is awesome that these people are standing up for rights. However, isn't that their battle to fight. We have homeless people, mentally ill people, and a whole host of others who are destitute and abandoned in our country and yet we shoot 110 multimillion dollar missiles at a country that is not our own and then tell our own people we don't have the money to help them. Something is off balance when Libyan people are more important than our own. Ok, I am officially stepping off of the soap box.
Have a beautiful day....
1. I love my family. They are completely hectic and I get no rest when I am near them. However, I always miss them when i leave.
2. I have some really good friends who haven't let me down. Please believe that they are a little nuts and love to have a good time. However, for an antisocial girl like me, they have definitely renewed my faith in friendship and loyalty. I haven't even known them for an entire year and they have rallied around me like a circle of warriors and held me up. Completely Awesome!
3. Time alone and lost in thought and emotion is a really good thing when taken in small doses. I am very grateful to be at a place in my life where I truly feel. I feel both good and bad emotion and that is ok with me.
4. Religion is not of the devil. I have spent some time really studying Buddhism and comparing it to Christianity bc of course Christianity was my first. lol. I believe that when taken in a very personal context, wisdom in any form can help you to center yourself and healthily deal with the obstacles of life. I don't think they should be used as a crutch of solice bc that lends itself to not really looking inside you for the courage to face this life as it is and find the good in it. However, as a guide, it can lead to some deep thought and even deeper emotion.
5. Life is indeed fleeting. The only male on the VC lost one of his closest friends over spring break to a completely senseless act of violence. He was a graduate student who planned to be a teacher. He got out of his car to pump gas and was gunned downed by a kid who had nothing to live for and thus cared about no person including himself. As I watched and listened to JM attempt to come to terms with his loss and the lack of fairness in the whole situation, I began to grasp even more fully that we truly only have today. Which kinda made me sad but also kinda gave me renewed hope. I mean, we plan our whole lives for tomorrow. What we will drive, who we will be with, where we will live, etc and we forget that today is a gift. Now, that isn't to say that nobody should plan for the future or strive to be in a better place tomorrow than they are today. That would just be irresponsible. But it is also irresponsible not enjoy the life you have. Maybe I don't have it all together all the time. But hey, who does? Maybe I need to cry my eyes out before i fall asleep or maybe I need to skip work at home to have ice cream or maybe I need to write under the shade tree on Saturday afternoon instead of going out. I will never have today again. I need to find positivity and beauty in this day. Everything may not be what I want it to be. However, there is indeed beauty in today. It is my job to find that beauty and let it shine within me. This is not always easy, but it is doable...
Now for something a little less life altering and a little more current events. The things going on in Japan just seem surreal. I mean, I watch the video footage and it is truly like watching a movie. It is crazy to think that it is real. Mother nature can be such a cruel mistress. Next, we just frickin attacked Libya. I am in no way ok with the way that the government there is treating its people. However, is it really the United States or the World's business to create freedom for these people. I mean, I want everyone to have freedom and I think it is awesome that these people are standing up for rights. However, isn't that their battle to fight. We have homeless people, mentally ill people, and a whole host of others who are destitute and abandoned in our country and yet we shoot 110 multimillion dollar missiles at a country that is not our own and then tell our own people we don't have the money to help them. Something is off balance when Libyan people are more important than our own. Ok, I am officially stepping off of the soap box.
Have a beautiful day....
Friday, March 18, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Night at the Peevy's
Well, it is not early and I am just getting up. There is something about the Peevy guest bed that lends itself to good sleep. Had an awesome night drinking Rico's peach tea and eating fried green tomatoes. Some people come into your life and you think, "they are cool", not realizing how amazing they are. The Peevy's are those people. So, thanks for the food and the talk and the laughs and the sleep...Especially, the sleep.
In other news, the GA lottery is like 176 million and though it is a long shot, I think I will lay my dollar down. You know, my sister has always said, Katie is that person who if she has any luck it is bad luck. This is not being pessimistic. It is being honest. But hey, I figure that has to turn around at some point and if it happens to turn when the lottery is at 176 million, good for me.
Finally, I think I am going to give in to my artistic side a little more. No, I don't mean blue hair or even black nails per say. However, as I was searching for a new ball cap yesterday(Molly chewed my fav hat to bits), I found myself pulled to hats that are not baseball caps. I tried one on and I loved it. The truth is, I love Chuck Taylors, ratty old jeans, vintage tees, writing, music, art, meditating, and standing in the rain. So, why not give in to it? Maybe I will get real crazy and find a thrift store to play in for a while. :)
In other news, the GA lottery is like 176 million and though it is a long shot, I think I will lay my dollar down. You know, my sister has always said, Katie is that person who if she has any luck it is bad luck. This is not being pessimistic. It is being honest. But hey, I figure that has to turn around at some point and if it happens to turn when the lottery is at 176 million, good for me.
Finally, I think I am going to give in to my artistic side a little more. No, I don't mean blue hair or even black nails per say. However, as I was searching for a new ball cap yesterday(Molly chewed my fav hat to bits), I found myself pulled to hats that are not baseball caps. I tried one on and I loved it. The truth is, I love Chuck Taylors, ratty old jeans, vintage tees, writing, music, art, meditating, and standing in the rain. So, why not give in to it? Maybe I will get real crazy and find a thrift store to play in for a while. :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Spring Break...
Day 1:
My day started as most in Atlanta do. Jackson was ever so eager to jump onto me and kiss me good morning well before I actually wanted to get up. Then it was time to decide on an adventure for the day and apparently Beluga Whales are all the rage right now. Thus, we were off to the GA Aquarium. There is nothing like being taught about sea creatures like you have an IEP by a 2 year old in public. Just saying.
After leaving the Aquarium, we came home to rest. Well, for Jack that meant going outside to play. This did however give me the opportunity to see Harper in her sweet little hat. She is adorable. While we are on the subject of Harper, let me say that I picked the wrong kid for which to be a nanny. She is SOOOO easy going. She is sleep training right now and is ever so happy to sleep in the pack and play while Jack, Molly, and everyone else never miss a beat around her. She rarely cries and she is content to play with her toys for 30 or more minutes already. Any of you who know Jackson know that it took me a month of 45 minute pat sessions to get him to sleep in his own bed and I would kill anyone for making noise. You would also know that he has NEVER learned to play by himself or ride in a stroller of any kind. Thus, they have 2 totally different personalities already and I was a nanny for the hard headed one.
Now there is the topic of potty training. It is not enough that I clap for Jack when he potties. He feels that I must participate. I now know that potty training is something that should only be endured by those with parental love. This, I do not have. All I can say is gross....On the other hand, he is doing very well. He does not have accidents and he tells you when he has to go. So, good job kid.
Finally, I took a nap today. I don't normally do this. However, sleep has not come easy recently and I was worn out. I am almost certain that I am going to regret it in the morning because I will not go to bed when I should. But hey, for today, it felt good. Tomorrow is Harper's adoption hearing and the judge is new so it is iffy. I am hoping for the best as it would suck to deal with the worst. If all goes well in the morning, I will celebrate with family before heading out to see Christy and Brandon. There are always times to be had there.
My day started as most in Atlanta do. Jackson was ever so eager to jump onto me and kiss me good morning well before I actually wanted to get up. Then it was time to decide on an adventure for the day and apparently Beluga Whales are all the rage right now. Thus, we were off to the GA Aquarium. There is nothing like being taught about sea creatures like you have an IEP by a 2 year old in public. Just saying.
After leaving the Aquarium, we came home to rest. Well, for Jack that meant going outside to play. This did however give me the opportunity to see Harper in her sweet little hat. She is adorable. While we are on the subject of Harper, let me say that I picked the wrong kid for which to be a nanny. She is SOOOO easy going. She is sleep training right now and is ever so happy to sleep in the pack and play while Jack, Molly, and everyone else never miss a beat around her. She rarely cries and she is content to play with her toys for 30 or more minutes already. Any of you who know Jackson know that it took me a month of 45 minute pat sessions to get him to sleep in his own bed and I would kill anyone for making noise. You would also know that he has NEVER learned to play by himself or ride in a stroller of any kind. Thus, they have 2 totally different personalities already and I was a nanny for the hard headed one.
Now there is the topic of potty training. It is not enough that I clap for Jack when he potties. He feels that I must participate. I now know that potty training is something that should only be endured by those with parental love. This, I do not have. All I can say is gross....On the other hand, he is doing very well. He does not have accidents and he tells you when he has to go. So, good job kid.
Finally, I took a nap today. I don't normally do this. However, sleep has not come easy recently and I was worn out. I am almost certain that I am going to regret it in the morning because I will not go to bed when I should. But hey, for today, it felt good. Tomorrow is Harper's adoption hearing and the judge is new so it is iffy. I am hoping for the best as it would suck to deal with the worst. If all goes well in the morning, I will celebrate with family before heading out to see Christy and Brandon. There are always times to be had there.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Random Stuff
I am officially on spring break. I am going to Atlanta to see my beautiful nephew and niece for a few days. I had intended to stay for longer. However, I feel that time by myself is doing me good, I never get any work done while I am there, and I have to miss the gym while I am gone. Thus, I feel 3 days or so will be enough.
I received my first sunburn of the year yesterday. Ugh... I do wish my gene pool would have included skin that would tan. I mean, I spent 2 hours outside watching the girls practice yesterday and I look like a lobster this morning. Truly, if there were an antidote to non tanning skin, I would be standing in line like tech nerds at Best Buy before the release of the new Ipad.
Finally, I am drinking water like a fish these days and well, I still hate it. I don't know why i have a mental block with water but i do. I mean, I hated coke zero. However, i forced myself to drink it for a while and now I love it. So, why can't water be the same. I mean, if it weren't for Crystal Lite packs this water thing would not be working out. So, if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can love water like my body does, please let me know.
Otherwise, all is well on the home front. I should be getting a pink slip soon but I am not letting it worry me to death. It just leaves my possibilities open. I am working out, eating pretty well, and looking forward to planning out the rest of my school year over this week. As, the countdown moves on, I am anxious but hopeful. I love that I have found a place in my life where I feel i actually have coping skills that work. So, last thought of the day is: Thanks Dr. Liz. I should have listened when you said, "this is just the beginning. The rest of the work will need to come from within you.". It was true and I am glad I had such a great teacher.
I received my first sunburn of the year yesterday. Ugh... I do wish my gene pool would have included skin that would tan. I mean, I spent 2 hours outside watching the girls practice yesterday and I look like a lobster this morning. Truly, if there were an antidote to non tanning skin, I would be standing in line like tech nerds at Best Buy before the release of the new Ipad.
Finally, I am drinking water like a fish these days and well, I still hate it. I don't know why i have a mental block with water but i do. I mean, I hated coke zero. However, i forced myself to drink it for a while and now I love it. So, why can't water be the same. I mean, if it weren't for Crystal Lite packs this water thing would not be working out. So, if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can love water like my body does, please let me know.
Otherwise, all is well on the home front. I should be getting a pink slip soon but I am not letting it worry me to death. It just leaves my possibilities open. I am working out, eating pretty well, and looking forward to planning out the rest of my school year over this week. As, the countdown moves on, I am anxious but hopeful. I love that I have found a place in my life where I feel i actually have coping skills that work. So, last thought of the day is: Thanks Dr. Liz. I should have listened when you said, "this is just the beginning. The rest of the work will need to come from within you.". It was true and I am glad I had such a great teacher.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
The Bouncer in Me...
Well, this year, those who have come to know me think I would make a good bouncer bc I am always breaking up fights at school. I told people close to me and myself that I was going to do better and stop before I really got hurt. So, here is how that is working out for me.
This week, there had been 2 fights in the 9th grade. I completely stayed out of them and called security. Thus, by today I was feeling pretty good about myself and my will power to remain Bouncer Free. However, today, I slipped. I tried to stick to my word and remain out of this fight as well. No, seriously, I did. But some how, it just didn't work out that way.
So, what had happened was:
I was in the hallway with a few hundred kids who were headed to lunch. I looked toward the girls restroom bc I heard a young lady yelling. I did not know her so when I saw her leap into the bathroom and all the kids ran that way, I went into my room and called security. As, I was telling my kids to remain seated, a student of mine said Ms. Turner it is VB. Well, VB is one of my favorite students. I mean, she makes straight A's, never talks out of turn, is a true kid who likes to try to beat me at thumb wrestling, and never has a non-bubbly day. Thus, I ran out of my room. The crowd was so large at this point that I didn't know how I was going to get to them. So, I got against the wall and began pulling kids back one by one until I got to the fight. To my surprise, when I came around the corner, sweet little VB had this girl who was twice her size and a trouble maker on the floor wearing her out. So, I threw VB over my shoulder and pushed us both through the crowd into a classroom where I literally had to hold her up bc she was so upset with the thought of being suspended and losing her A.
By this time security, who was following me through the crowd came to get her. I calmed her down and assured her that she did nothing wrong. I mean, you can't help but to fight if you are jumped. I also don't like that she will get the same suspension when she was not the aggressor. None the less, I slipped. I don't know what it is that comes out in me when I feel like one of these good kids could be hurt but it is all consuming and I feel like I have to help them. I guess I am a protector after all. Is that really such a bad thing?
My back will probably not be happy with me tomorrow. However, if she would have been hurt, my heart would not have forgiven me today. So, I am still trying to stay out of the role of bouncer. But I don't know if I will ever truly be able to let a kid be in danger without stepping in to help. It just seems to be who I am.
This week, there had been 2 fights in the 9th grade. I completely stayed out of them and called security. Thus, by today I was feeling pretty good about myself and my will power to remain Bouncer Free. However, today, I slipped. I tried to stick to my word and remain out of this fight as well. No, seriously, I did. But some how, it just didn't work out that way.
So, what had happened was:
I was in the hallway with a few hundred kids who were headed to lunch. I looked toward the girls restroom bc I heard a young lady yelling. I did not know her so when I saw her leap into the bathroom and all the kids ran that way, I went into my room and called security. As, I was telling my kids to remain seated, a student of mine said Ms. Turner it is VB. Well, VB is one of my favorite students. I mean, she makes straight A's, never talks out of turn, is a true kid who likes to try to beat me at thumb wrestling, and never has a non-bubbly day. Thus, I ran out of my room. The crowd was so large at this point that I didn't know how I was going to get to them. So, I got against the wall and began pulling kids back one by one until I got to the fight. To my surprise, when I came around the corner, sweet little VB had this girl who was twice her size and a trouble maker on the floor wearing her out. So, I threw VB over my shoulder and pushed us both through the crowd into a classroom where I literally had to hold her up bc she was so upset with the thought of being suspended and losing her A.
By this time security, who was following me through the crowd came to get her. I calmed her down and assured her that she did nothing wrong. I mean, you can't help but to fight if you are jumped. I also don't like that she will get the same suspension when she was not the aggressor. None the less, I slipped. I don't know what it is that comes out in me when I feel like one of these good kids could be hurt but it is all consuming and I feel like I have to help them. I guess I am a protector after all. Is that really such a bad thing?
My back will probably not be happy with me tomorrow. However, if she would have been hurt, my heart would not have forgiven me today. So, I am still trying to stay out of the role of bouncer. But I don't know if I will ever truly be able to let a kid be in danger without stepping in to help. It just seems to be who I am.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Tuesday Tune...
"I Am Yours"
When all my hopes and dreams
Have been betrayed
I stand before you
My hands are empty
I am yours
If you are mine
When I fall and stumble
Flat on my face
When I'm shamed and humbled
In disgrace
I am yours
If you are mine
When voices call me
To question my faith
When misperception
Taints my love with hate
I am yours
If you are mine
When time decides
It won't stop for me
When the hawks and vultures
Are circling
I am yours
If you are mine
When all my hopes and dreams
Have been betrayed
I stand before you
My hands are empty
I am yours
If you are mine
When I fall and stumble
Flat on my face
When I'm shamed and humbled
In disgrace
I am yours
If you are mine
When voices call me
To question my faith
When misperception
Taints my love with hate
I am yours
If you are mine
When time decides
It won't stop for me
When the hawks and vultures
Are circling
I am yours
If you are mine
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Weekend Testing and Zen Tarot
Well, I have never been more thankful for the hectic work weeks that I endure regularly bc there is nothing like being busy. However, with the weekend came some ups, some downs, and some strength. While in DC I had the uncomfort and pleasure of experiencing Zen Tarot. These are Buddhist based Tarot cards. They are really cool bc they mean nothing in general but they apply to everything. I'm not of the school of thought that believes anything like horoscopes or tarot cards are life predicting any more than I am of the school of thought that praying to a man in the sky for wealth will actually bring it. However, the cards provoke thought. Thought about yourself, your feelings, your core of being and any time we really begin to think, especially when the thoughts are guided by a specific topic or guiding thought, we are able to search deep within ourselves for new truth.
So, I have spent today cleaning, working out, and reflecting with the guidance of the tarot. It is awesome to feel as if you have the power to control you and it is scary to know that in this vast universe, you control nothing else. Knowing who I truly am and being at peace with that lets me know that I can bring good things into my life and that I deserve them. It gives me strength to know that I am good enough for happiness and I can have it through myself alone. It has helped me to believe and to trust myself to know where I belong. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust. The person that I am is positive even in unpositive circumstances. The person I am loves the simple things in life. I don't need alot to be happy. The person that I am works hard not because of a paycheck or because of competition but bc I am living my calling. Everyone should be so lucky as to feel the peace that I feel when i am in my classroom knowing i am making a difference.
Therefore, I am strong, beautiful, and peaceful in this moment and this moment is all that I have. :-)
So, I have spent today cleaning, working out, and reflecting with the guidance of the tarot. It is awesome to feel as if you have the power to control you and it is scary to know that in this vast universe, you control nothing else. Knowing who I truly am and being at peace with that lets me know that I can bring good things into my life and that I deserve them. It gives me strength to know that I am good enough for happiness and I can have it through myself alone. It has helped me to believe and to trust myself to know where I belong. If you can't trust yourself, who can you trust. The person that I am is positive even in unpositive circumstances. The person I am loves the simple things in life. I don't need alot to be happy. The person that I am works hard not because of a paycheck or because of competition but bc I am living my calling. Everyone should be so lucky as to feel the peace that I feel when i am in my classroom knowing i am making a difference.
Therefore, I am strong, beautiful, and peaceful in this moment and this moment is all that I have. :-)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Oh, What a day....
People often ask me why I like teaching in my school so much. It really is a calling and it is at times rewarding. As stated yesterday, it is grad exam week which means, my classes, who aren't taking the exam are frozen. I have one class for 4 to 5 hours. The rewards I speak of come in strange ways sometimes but it always fills my heart and makes me smile. Here are some examples from today:
"Ms. Turner, Can I please spend test time in your class."
"Ms. Turner, I knew that answer because you taught that right before Christmas."
Student 1, "Ms. Turner, can I go to the bathroom."
Student 2, "I got it Ms. T. Negative Chief."
I'm walking to lunch and I hear: "What up Ms. Turner?" A student walking behind me to lunch replies "What up kiddo."
Last but certainly not least, I received 3 messages on my board today.
I Heart Ms. Turner
Mrs. Turner, will you marry me? Which is funny bc this child stays in trouble with me and does not realize if I were indeed Mrs. Turner, I could not marry anyone else.
Mrs. Turner, this DVD sucks....Raw honesty
Regardless of how I feel when I get there or how much some kids irritate me, someone in the building makes me smile. That is why I teach where i do. If I can be the reason that a kid with no hope starts to believe they can make it or that, and if they were here now they would say it for me, It does not matter where you come from, it matters where you are going, then I have left a small mark of myself in this life. That makes me feel good inside when I feel like nothing can.
"Ms. Turner, Can I please spend test time in your class."
"Ms. Turner, I knew that answer because you taught that right before Christmas."
Student 1, "Ms. Turner, can I go to the bathroom."
Student 2, "I got it Ms. T. Negative Chief."
I'm walking to lunch and I hear: "What up Ms. Turner?" A student walking behind me to lunch replies "What up kiddo."
Last but certainly not least, I received 3 messages on my board today.
I Heart Ms. Turner
Mrs. Turner, will you marry me? Which is funny bc this child stays in trouble with me and does not realize if I were indeed Mrs. Turner, I could not marry anyone else.
Mrs. Turner, this DVD sucks....Raw honesty
Regardless of how I feel when I get there or how much some kids irritate me, someone in the building makes me smile. That is why I teach where i do. If I can be the reason that a kid with no hope starts to believe they can make it or that, and if they were here now they would say it for me, It does not matter where you come from, it matters where you are going, then I have left a small mark of myself in this life. That makes me feel good inside when I feel like nothing can.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Rain is a Good Thing...
Today my thoughts have been alligned somehow with the rain. First because it seemed to rather mirror the gloominess of my mood. However, as I thought on it more(one must understand that it is grad exam week which means I have absolutely NOTHING TO DO AT WORK) I realized that rain is cleansing. It washes away impurities and allows for new things to grow. In this moment I realized that it did indeed have a connection with me today. Thus, I stood out in it for a while when I got home just to feel it on my face. Yeah, I'm strange. I know. But sometimes, when you least expect it and you aren't looking for it, positivity can be found in the darkest of days. Thus, my conclusion is: Rain is indeed a good thing.
I think I may like this whole blogging thing...
I think I may like this whole blogging thing...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)