Today I was awakened to a difficult conversation. This led me to think about the difference between acceptance and toleration. Now usually if I were discussing this topic it would be in regard to GLBT. I hate it when people say they are tolerant. Tolerant and acceptance are 2 different things. I am tolerant of the teacher down the hall from me that baby talks but I don't accept her. So, I am not very tolerant of people who say they are my Friend but are simply tolerant of me being a lesbian. Truthfully, I don't make friends easily and this is why. Because I am not tolerant of your children, if we are friends I accept the little monsters even if they are bad. I am not tolerant of your cheating husband, I accept him and I love him bc clearly you do. I am not tolerant of your inability to have a sober night, I accept that you can't cope without the alcohol and help you get to your room when you need it. Now, this is not to say that I expect people to agree all the time. I don't. I simply believe that we all have parts of our lives that other people may not agree with or like. But if you are truly a friend, you accept that person as they are bc you love them. I am also not saying this is easy bc it isn't, especially when it hits close to home.
So, there is a person in my life who I have tolerated bc I felt I had to do so. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes bc honestly, in most cases, I just wouldn't talk to her. But in this case I really don't have too much choice. She is causing major damage to people I love very much and bc she can't be removed from the situation, I think we all need to find some acceptance. Now, this is the hard part. When you look at a person and for the most part they are a piece of shit to everyone around them, it is hard to accept them. However, worrying about who they should have been or what could have been different only hurts us, it doesn't effect said person. So, I think it is time we all just understand that she is a selfish piece of trash who is going to do whatever she wants regardless of what is right. Maybe this way the stress will go down and we can love what is somewhat lovable bc we don't hate her so much for all the stress.
So, the moral of the story....If you can't accept not tolerate that I am with a woman, don't be my friend. I would rather have 1 friend who truly accepts me than 10 who like me but hate my lifestyle. My lifestyle is a part of me. You have to take the whole package or nothing at all bc we choose our friends. You don't have to choose me. Second, If there is someone in life that you really can't choose about, then find a way to accept them and not stress over all the ignorant crap they bring into our lives. Because otherwise we are killing ourselves instead of hiring someone to kill them bc we are decent people who would never do such a thing.
You blog. You're right, it sounded MUCH less like a term paper and not quite as self-righteous as some previous ones.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you've said. I'm going to have to think on this a little more before making my 'real' comment, but I agree with you.
Here's a little hint for moving from tolerance to acceptance, try my lenten devotion! I'm not saying that I have NO bitterness left in my heart, but I will say that it's not as much.
Your specific situation is a little sticky......it's hard to move from tolerance to acceptance b/c you really have to do that with everyone involved. You're probably mad at the instigator AND the enabler....but it's easier to blame the instigator than the enabler. You have to learn to accept BOTH for the roles they have chosen to play.
And by the way, Hi kettle, I'm pot...you're black :)