Yeah, so, I have been lost in thought for the past few days. Funny thing is, I decided to play with the Zen Tarrot cards and the silence card and the nothingness cards came into play. Both are about being within ones self, dealing with change, and preparing for some big transformation or event in life. So, perhaps I am having some inner crisis I don't realize I'm having bc I haven't focussed enough on the source, which was another card.
Yes, there has been some changes. I let go of a 3 year relationship, though we are still freinds. This has never happened before. So, it is an uncharted path for me. I also have taken on new responsibilities at work and let one go. Again, new territory. None the less, maybe I have had more stress than I am willing to admit. But I really don't feel bad mentally, physically, or emotionally that I can tell so I am a bit confused by my own need for deep pondering. Now, for the real subject.
It all began with the lockdown at school. Many people in my life pointed out that I did not respond normally. So, I started thinking about how desensatized I am to some of the dangers around me. How it is natural for me to jump between 2 kids who are choosing to fight never knowing if there is a weapon. Truth be told, I believe there are weapons there every day. So why, in that moment, do I go all protective of them and not of me. This led to thoughts about death, God and the afterlife. Which then led to thoughts of religion and the statement: Religion is the crutch of the masses.
So, why is it that as rational beings do we(yes I said we) are willing to believe far fetched things in order to be a part of a religion. I think I have come to the conclusion that it is simply a large illusion we create for different reasons and it isn't just religion(thus the we). We are really alone in many ways. We create situations in our lives in order to find ways to cope.
It would have been much easier to accept the death of CJ had I been able to believe that one day when I die, she would be chillin out with a Red Stripe saying, Where the hell have you been? Well, without the hell I guess. But it is harder to believe that the last time I saw her, was the last time I ever will.
Quick sidebar: I do believe in some form of after life. But it isn't conventional and it has more to do with the energy of the spirit than pearly gates.
It is easier to believe that all bad things that happen and good things that happen to us in life are part of this master plan that we couldn't possibly be bright enough to understand than it is to believe that there is cause and effect. I mean, I have had some bad things happen in my world. They weren't always my fault but they were the effect of choices made. Whether it was my choice or someone elses that effected me negatively. For the most part, it is easier to look to God and say it is his will that I live and work in Montgomery than it is to look within myself and say, I have just not put forth enough effort to get a position elsewhere bc I am comfortable in the environment and I fear change. But if you or I do this, we fail to grow. If we trade off our accomplishments as blessings then we are able to trade our failures as trials. If we do this, I don't think we take enough responsibility for ourselves and we also don't give ourselves enough credit for the things we work hard to have. It seems to me that we create our illusion bc reality, when bad is too hard to bear and when it is good, we are accused by society of being cocky or self centered.
But truthfully, if I own that I am a big girl, shouldn't I be able to own that I am flipping brilliant?
So, the moral of the story is that we all create illusions to get by and we are willing to sacrifice the best of us in order to have a scapegoat for our weaknesses. I really hold no blame to the people who believe these things. Often times, especially bad times, I wish I could borrow a crutch for a while and not have to accept hard truths with no safety net. but then I remember that with the hard things comes growth and the growth leads to better things. I guess it all works out in the end. Unless, in the end I go to Hell. Guess if that happens, I will be kicking myself for at least not aking the insurance policy believer route. :)
This is really random and all over the place. Sorry about that. I never said my thoughts were going to come out well.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
My Hometown
I am going home this weekend so I decided to write a little about Deer Park, AL. I will start by saying that it is a dot on a map. So, let's begin with what I love and some of the loves are also the hates.
I love that everyone knows everyone. This is bc I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if I have a flat tire the people who stop are there to help me not ass rape me before robbing and shooting me. It also makes you town like a big family. I have never known a situation where there has been a poor person who needed help that did not receive it. The people are tight knit, protective of one another, and love each other regardless of what is going on in their lives.
I love the peacefulness of the country. I don't want to have it everyday but when you need a break it is the place to be. I can sit on my Moms front porch and hear nothing but nature.
I love the pace of life. Things just seem to move a little slower there. People take the time to wave as u pass by. They stop to say hello and ask how you are doing and they mean it. A friday night football game is as exciting as the world series. It is simple but in a good way.
I love that you always know somebody to do that cheap no matter what it is. You need your car fixed, Leroy can do it for half price bc he's your daddy's cousin. You need your roof fixed, Jake will do it bc he just got out of jail and needs work. He's on the prayer list at church. You need your hay hauled, the boys from the football team will do it for free bc the coach, who is married to your brothers best friend, wants them working in the heat before fall training. Well, you get the point.
Now a few reasons I hate it:
People stay in other peoples business. You can't fart silently on my mama's front porch before the whole community knows it stinks. There is ZERO personal space. Again, that whole family thing. They will still love you and they will probably feed you but they will talk about how you married a drunk while they do it.
There is a lot of ignorance. I don't mean stupidity, I mean ignorance. They will vote based on religious belief alone or race or some other stupid issue that won't change and isn't really in their best interest. Often times, they are not accepting of people from the outside. Now, I think this is found everywhere bc city folk aren't usually accepting of country folk either but that just is what it is.
Now, for my biggest hate. It is just simply inconvenient. There is little to no cell service. Good luck with high speed Internet. If you enjoy shopping or a movie you better also enjoy driving bc you are going to have to drive at least 30 minutes for walmart and an hour for the mall. If you are a lover of good music or art, you can forget it. If it isn't hunting, fishing, four wheeler riding, or farming you are out of luck.
I actually love my hometown quite a bit. It gave me my love for TV, an ability to accept many different people, a healthy appreciation for not gossiping too much, a giving spirit, a place where I will never be a stranger, and a family I love very much. Like all places, it is about taste. What you want more? Convenience or the peace of nature, anonymity or people in your business but love you, four wheeler riding or art museums....I would recommend it to anyone who loves the country life.
I love that everyone knows everyone. This is bc I know beyond a shadow of a doubt if I have a flat tire the people who stop are there to help me not ass rape me before robbing and shooting me. It also makes you town like a big family. I have never known a situation where there has been a poor person who needed help that did not receive it. The people are tight knit, protective of one another, and love each other regardless of what is going on in their lives.
I love the peacefulness of the country. I don't want to have it everyday but when you need a break it is the place to be. I can sit on my Moms front porch and hear nothing but nature.
I love the pace of life. Things just seem to move a little slower there. People take the time to wave as u pass by. They stop to say hello and ask how you are doing and they mean it. A friday night football game is as exciting as the world series. It is simple but in a good way.
I love that you always know somebody to do that cheap no matter what it is. You need your car fixed, Leroy can do it for half price bc he's your daddy's cousin. You need your roof fixed, Jake will do it bc he just got out of jail and needs work. He's on the prayer list at church. You need your hay hauled, the boys from the football team will do it for free bc the coach, who is married to your brothers best friend, wants them working in the heat before fall training. Well, you get the point.
Now a few reasons I hate it:
People stay in other peoples business. You can't fart silently on my mama's front porch before the whole community knows it stinks. There is ZERO personal space. Again, that whole family thing. They will still love you and they will probably feed you but they will talk about how you married a drunk while they do it.
There is a lot of ignorance. I don't mean stupidity, I mean ignorance. They will vote based on religious belief alone or race or some other stupid issue that won't change and isn't really in their best interest. Often times, they are not accepting of people from the outside. Now, I think this is found everywhere bc city folk aren't usually accepting of country folk either but that just is what it is.
Now, for my biggest hate. It is just simply inconvenient. There is little to no cell service. Good luck with high speed Internet. If you enjoy shopping or a movie you better also enjoy driving bc you are going to have to drive at least 30 minutes for walmart and an hour for the mall. If you are a lover of good music or art, you can forget it. If it isn't hunting, fishing, four wheeler riding, or farming you are out of luck.
I actually love my hometown quite a bit. It gave me my love for TV, an ability to accept many different people, a healthy appreciation for not gossiping too much, a giving spirit, a place where I will never be a stranger, and a family I love very much. Like all places, it is about taste. What you want more? Convenience or the peace of nature, anonymity or people in your business but love you, four wheeler riding or art museums....I would recommend it to anyone who loves the country life.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Admiration
I don't really admire any one person most. I admire many different traits in many different people. There are flaws in me and areas that constantly need improvement. I generally admire those traits in others bc I aspire to master them myself. Here is a brief list...
1. I admire Natalie's ability to love without having emotion ever cloud a decision and her confidence. She is that person that who rarely gets her feelings hurt bc she is able to rationally decipher that the offender has an issue to resolve and simply attempted to take it out on her. She truly believes that she can accomplish anything and she usually does.
2. I admire my Mother's strength. She has been put through the ringer at times. Some of which are the result of her own flaws. But she always puts one foot in front of the other and finds a way to move forward.
3. Sara-Beth's intelligence, work ethic, and wit(sp). Now, I believe that I possess some these as well just not to the degree that she does. She is one of the smartest people I know and unless she is dying, she is working. The intelligence is genetic I guess but the work ethic is learned and you don't see that very often. She has perfect delivery of a one liner and is extremely funny when she chooses.
4.The open heart of Ms. Dixon. She has been a gift to me over the past year and is one of my best friends. I have no doubt that if I called her a 2am bc I was home alone and sick, she would get her 2 kids out of bed and come to my aid. Again, a rare quality these days and I am grateful for it. I would like to think I would do the same.
5. Last but not least, the leadership ability of Martin Luther Kings Jr. Everyone I teach with believes that I need to be in administration bc they see leadership ability in me. I definitely believe that I possess some skills but I don't have anything on him. I search regularly for the ability to lead my students down a better path, myself into a better me, my relationship into a better place, and my friends into greater bonds. Sometimes I find good paths and sometimes I hit walls I can't breach. MLK had the ability to lead thousands of people into marches where they risked their lives and never fought back. That is amazing.
There are other things that I greatly admire in people but I am not interested in writing all day. Everything from the courage of activists to the loyalty of canines to the innocence of children to the free spirit of artists who don't know from where their next paycheck will come. But who has time for all that. I guess I need to go read a self help book now...
1. I admire Natalie's ability to love without having emotion ever cloud a decision and her confidence. She is that person that who rarely gets her feelings hurt bc she is able to rationally decipher that the offender has an issue to resolve and simply attempted to take it out on her. She truly believes that she can accomplish anything and she usually does.
2. I admire my Mother's strength. She has been put through the ringer at times. Some of which are the result of her own flaws. But she always puts one foot in front of the other and finds a way to move forward.
3. Sara-Beth's intelligence, work ethic, and wit(sp). Now, I believe that I possess some these as well just not to the degree that she does. She is one of the smartest people I know and unless she is dying, she is working. The intelligence is genetic I guess but the work ethic is learned and you don't see that very often. She has perfect delivery of a one liner and is extremely funny when she chooses.
4.The open heart of Ms. Dixon. She has been a gift to me over the past year and is one of my best friends. I have no doubt that if I called her a 2am bc I was home alone and sick, she would get her 2 kids out of bed and come to my aid. Again, a rare quality these days and I am grateful for it. I would like to think I would do the same.
5. Last but not least, the leadership ability of Martin Luther Kings Jr. Everyone I teach with believes that I need to be in administration bc they see leadership ability in me. I definitely believe that I possess some skills but I don't have anything on him. I search regularly for the ability to lead my students down a better path, myself into a better me, my relationship into a better place, and my friends into greater bonds. Sometimes I find good paths and sometimes I hit walls I can't breach. MLK had the ability to lead thousands of people into marches where they risked their lives and never fought back. That is amazing.
There are other things that I greatly admire in people but I am not interested in writing all day. Everything from the courage of activists to the loyalty of canines to the innocence of children to the free spirit of artists who don't know from where their next paycheck will come. But who has time for all that. I guess I need to go read a self help book now...
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I'm A Copycat....
My worst injury....
By far, if you discount my emotional injury in life, I would have to say that my worst injury came from being hit by a drunk driver. I was driving home from Carlynn's house around 8PM on a country road. I called my mom to let her know I was on my way. I wasn't a mile from Carlynn's house when a black, Nissan truck topped a hill on my side of the road with his lights off. I turned my wheel to try to miss him but it was too late. He hit the front end of my car. Since I had turned the wheels, I did not take the whole impact head on. He came down the side of my car. It is funny how when you are in the situation it is like slow motion. I remember my steering wheel turning and I couldn't stop it.(My car was spinning) When I came to a stop, I remember feeling of my body to be sure I still could. Then I smelled smoke. So, I tried to jump out of the drivers side. The door wouldn't budge. So I climbed out of the passengers side. This large drunk man with blood streaming down his face walked up and said, "you hit me". I sheepishly said, "yes sir". He then walked away as I called 911. Everybody showed up and checked me out. At the time I seemed fine and I went home with my parents as the drunk guy left with the police. So, why is this my worst injury? Well, bc years later after suffering from back pain I was told that I have military neck. My bad neck was caused by a blunt(sp) force trauma. I blame the car wreck and I still have back problems and always will. So, this is my worst injury and also the reason I despise drinking and driving....
Now, the second worst injury came to my pride on Saturday. Soon after marching to help the immigrants in this country, SB and I attempted to leave a parking deck confident that our 2 dollars in change would get us out. Turns out, it had to be quarters and we had change but not quarters. At this point, there were a good 10 cars lined up behind us. So, SB looks at me and said, "You are just gonna have to get out and get some dollars!" So, I got out of the car and went car to car until I found a nice group of old people who traded my 2 dollars in dimes for 2 bills. I returned to the car shamed from panhandling to get out of a parking deck. SB placed the money in the machine and laughed her ass off as we drove back to Tuscaloosa. I will never be the same.
By far, if you discount my emotional injury in life, I would have to say that my worst injury came from being hit by a drunk driver. I was driving home from Carlynn's house around 8PM on a country road. I called my mom to let her know I was on my way. I wasn't a mile from Carlynn's house when a black, Nissan truck topped a hill on my side of the road with his lights off. I turned my wheel to try to miss him but it was too late. He hit the front end of my car. Since I had turned the wheels, I did not take the whole impact head on. He came down the side of my car. It is funny how when you are in the situation it is like slow motion. I remember my steering wheel turning and I couldn't stop it.(My car was spinning) When I came to a stop, I remember feeling of my body to be sure I still could. Then I smelled smoke. So, I tried to jump out of the drivers side. The door wouldn't budge. So I climbed out of the passengers side. This large drunk man with blood streaming down his face walked up and said, "you hit me". I sheepishly said, "yes sir". He then walked away as I called 911. Everybody showed up and checked me out. At the time I seemed fine and I went home with my parents as the drunk guy left with the police. So, why is this my worst injury? Well, bc years later after suffering from back pain I was told that I have military neck. My bad neck was caused by a blunt(sp) force trauma. I blame the car wreck and I still have back problems and always will. So, this is my worst injury and also the reason I despise drinking and driving....
Now, the second worst injury came to my pride on Saturday. Soon after marching to help the immigrants in this country, SB and I attempted to leave a parking deck confident that our 2 dollars in change would get us out. Turns out, it had to be quarters and we had change but not quarters. At this point, there were a good 10 cars lined up behind us. So, SB looks at me and said, "You are just gonna have to get out and get some dollars!" So, I got out of the car and went car to car until I found a nice group of old people who traded my 2 dollars in dimes for 2 bills. I returned to the car shamed from panhandling to get out of a parking deck. SB placed the money in the machine and laughed her ass off as we drove back to Tuscaloosa. I will never be the same.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Just Laugh for Gays Sake
I have been reading about Tracy Morgan and his anti-gay rant during his stand up routine. Now, I do understand that some of the things he said were hurtful. However, I think that people have to start understanding that the world is not black and white and learn to laugh. Now I understand that this is hard for many people. Mainly bc when many people take a moral stance, it is generally from a religious stand point and religion presents most things in black and white. It leaves very little wiggle room. Now, what does this have to do with Morgan. I am getting to that.
Let me start with some examples of what was apparently said:
Gay people need to stop saying they were born that way. They were not born that way bc God doesn't make mistakes. Well, I am one person who has to say that this is an issue where I have to say I don't know.
Intellectually, I believe that love does not see gender, race, or religion. We are a socialized people. We are immersed in social morays from birth. During time periods where homosexuality was acceptable, there were many gay people. In times when that was not acceptable, there were fewer. This isn't bc they weren't there, it was bc they didn't want to be stoned.
Personally, I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to women. I have ZERO attraction to men. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have sex with them.
Not so personally, I would like to point out that the "gay lifestyle" is not the easiest life to lead. Why would a man or woman live a life where he has to hide who he is at work to keep a job? Well, maybe that is a little personal. Why would kids risk ridicule, bullying, violence, and hatred from family if they could just "turn it off". It makes no sense.
So, on the issue, I feel that it is a grey area. Every person has a journey that is different and it isn't cut and dry. Maybe it is that some people are born gay and some are not. Maybe all people are born with the capacity to go either way and socialization, strength of self, and environment is the determining role.
Ugh, I am just starting and my brain already hurts. Plus, I am racing the washing machine bc I have laundry to do.
Now, before I defend Morgan, let me pick one more bone with him. The statement that God makes no mistakes as a reasoning for his belief. Again, the Christian religion practiced by most today attempts to make everything black and white when it just isn't.
1. Don't steal. Ok, this is a good one. I agree with this. Don't take other people's things. But, if I am a homeless kid whose parents kicked me out and it was between a blow job or stealing for dinner, I am gonna take my chances with stealing.
If a father can't feed his family and has a sick child, do we hate him for stealing some Tylenol to bring down the fever. No...Bc these are exceptions to the rule.
2. Don't kill. Again, I agree. Good call. BUT, if I am at home alone and a person breaks into my house and shoots at me, I'm going to shoot back and if said person dies, we all make choices. Guess, he chose the wrong house to break into. Self defense is recognized under the law bc it is a grey area.
Now, to give the Christians a break, my Hindu roommate believes if placed in situation 2 one should just allow it to happen as violence is always wrong. Clearly, I do not agree. So, religious people of the world, please stop trying to make a grey world black and white. I agree that many of the teachings of the Bible, Koran, and various others are good guidelines. But guidelines do not make them absolute on even the easiest topics like murder and stealing.
So, then why do you want to defend him do you ask? Bc there are double standards everywhere and we all are guilty of being a part of them. For instance, I have laughed hard at a Pimp Named Slick Back teaching a dude how to slap a ho. Now, I am a woman and I don't wanna be slapped. But it was humor. I have listened to Bernie Mack talking about punching a kid in the throat. I would never do this but I laughed. I find it funny when Bill Maher calls Noahs Ark a fairy tale no more believable than Jack and the Beanstalk. But Christians probably wouldn't laugh bc it mocks a belief held dear to them. I have laughed at comedians make fun of special people(this may offend parents of special needs kids), white people(this would offend my parents), religious people(this would offend Christians), and everything else under the sun. Of course it is offensive and nobody said you have to agree. I just pointed out above that I agree with none of what he had to say. But he is a comedian. That is what he does. So, get over it. Learn to laugh at yourself and if a person is shown to have true hatred for something that applies to you....F&*k em....
And with that, I ahve to get to this laundry...
Let me start with some examples of what was apparently said:
Gay people need to stop saying they were born that way. They were not born that way bc God doesn't make mistakes. Well, I am one person who has to say that this is an issue where I have to say I don't know.
Intellectually, I believe that love does not see gender, race, or religion. We are a socialized people. We are immersed in social morays from birth. During time periods where homosexuality was acceptable, there were many gay people. In times when that was not acceptable, there were fewer. This isn't bc they weren't there, it was bc they didn't want to be stoned.
Personally, I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to women. I have ZERO attraction to men. I don't hate them, I just don't want to have sex with them.
Not so personally, I would like to point out that the "gay lifestyle" is not the easiest life to lead. Why would a man or woman live a life where he has to hide who he is at work to keep a job? Well, maybe that is a little personal. Why would kids risk ridicule, bullying, violence, and hatred from family if they could just "turn it off". It makes no sense.
So, on the issue, I feel that it is a grey area. Every person has a journey that is different and it isn't cut and dry. Maybe it is that some people are born gay and some are not. Maybe all people are born with the capacity to go either way and socialization, strength of self, and environment is the determining role.
Ugh, I am just starting and my brain already hurts. Plus, I am racing the washing machine bc I have laundry to do.
Now, before I defend Morgan, let me pick one more bone with him. The statement that God makes no mistakes as a reasoning for his belief. Again, the Christian religion practiced by most today attempts to make everything black and white when it just isn't.
1. Don't steal. Ok, this is a good one. I agree with this. Don't take other people's things. But, if I am a homeless kid whose parents kicked me out and it was between a blow job or stealing for dinner, I am gonna take my chances with stealing.
If a father can't feed his family and has a sick child, do we hate him for stealing some Tylenol to bring down the fever. No...Bc these are exceptions to the rule.
2. Don't kill. Again, I agree. Good call. BUT, if I am at home alone and a person breaks into my house and shoots at me, I'm going to shoot back and if said person dies, we all make choices. Guess, he chose the wrong house to break into. Self defense is recognized under the law bc it is a grey area.
Now, to give the Christians a break, my Hindu roommate believes if placed in situation 2 one should just allow it to happen as violence is always wrong. Clearly, I do not agree. So, religious people of the world, please stop trying to make a grey world black and white. I agree that many of the teachings of the Bible, Koran, and various others are good guidelines. But guidelines do not make them absolute on even the easiest topics like murder and stealing.
So, then why do you want to defend him do you ask? Bc there are double standards everywhere and we all are guilty of being a part of them. For instance, I have laughed hard at a Pimp Named Slick Back teaching a dude how to slap a ho. Now, I am a woman and I don't wanna be slapped. But it was humor. I have listened to Bernie Mack talking about punching a kid in the throat. I would never do this but I laughed. I find it funny when Bill Maher calls Noahs Ark a fairy tale no more believable than Jack and the Beanstalk. But Christians probably wouldn't laugh bc it mocks a belief held dear to them. I have laughed at comedians make fun of special people(this may offend parents of special needs kids), white people(this would offend my parents), religious people(this would offend Christians), and everything else under the sun. Of course it is offensive and nobody said you have to agree. I just pointed out above that I agree with none of what he had to say. But he is a comedian. That is what he does. So, get over it. Learn to laugh at yourself and if a person is shown to have true hatred for something that applies to you....F&*k em....
And with that, I ahve to get to this laundry...
Monday, June 6, 2011
Tolerance vs Acceptance
Today I was awakened to a difficult conversation. This led me to think about the difference between acceptance and toleration. Now usually if I were discussing this topic it would be in regard to GLBT. I hate it when people say they are tolerant. Tolerant and acceptance are 2 different things. I am tolerant of the teacher down the hall from me that baby talks but I don't accept her. So, I am not very tolerant of people who say they are my Friend but are simply tolerant of me being a lesbian. Truthfully, I don't make friends easily and this is why. Because I am not tolerant of your children, if we are friends I accept the little monsters even if they are bad. I am not tolerant of your cheating husband, I accept him and I love him bc clearly you do. I am not tolerant of your inability to have a sober night, I accept that you can't cope without the alcohol and help you get to your room when you need it. Now, this is not to say that I expect people to agree all the time. I don't. I simply believe that we all have parts of our lives that other people may not agree with or like. But if you are truly a friend, you accept that person as they are bc you love them. I am also not saying this is easy bc it isn't, especially when it hits close to home.
So, there is a person in my life who I have tolerated bc I felt I had to do so. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes bc honestly, in most cases, I just wouldn't talk to her. But in this case I really don't have too much choice. She is causing major damage to people I love very much and bc she can't be removed from the situation, I think we all need to find some acceptance. Now, this is the hard part. When you look at a person and for the most part they are a piece of shit to everyone around them, it is hard to accept them. However, worrying about who they should have been or what could have been different only hurts us, it doesn't effect said person. So, I think it is time we all just understand that she is a selfish piece of trash who is going to do whatever she wants regardless of what is right. Maybe this way the stress will go down and we can love what is somewhat lovable bc we don't hate her so much for all the stress.
So, the moral of the story....If you can't accept not tolerate that I am with a woman, don't be my friend. I would rather have 1 friend who truly accepts me than 10 who like me but hate my lifestyle. My lifestyle is a part of me. You have to take the whole package or nothing at all bc we choose our friends. You don't have to choose me. Second, If there is someone in life that you really can't choose about, then find a way to accept them and not stress over all the ignorant crap they bring into our lives. Because otherwise we are killing ourselves instead of hiring someone to kill them bc we are decent people who would never do such a thing.
So, there is a person in my life who I have tolerated bc I felt I had to do so. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes bc honestly, in most cases, I just wouldn't talk to her. But in this case I really don't have too much choice. She is causing major damage to people I love very much and bc she can't be removed from the situation, I think we all need to find some acceptance. Now, this is the hard part. When you look at a person and for the most part they are a piece of shit to everyone around them, it is hard to accept them. However, worrying about who they should have been or what could have been different only hurts us, it doesn't effect said person. So, I think it is time we all just understand that she is a selfish piece of trash who is going to do whatever she wants regardless of what is right. Maybe this way the stress will go down and we can love what is somewhat lovable bc we don't hate her so much for all the stress.
So, the moral of the story....If you can't accept not tolerate that I am with a woman, don't be my friend. I would rather have 1 friend who truly accepts me than 10 who like me but hate my lifestyle. My lifestyle is a part of me. You have to take the whole package or nothing at all bc we choose our friends. You don't have to choose me. Second, If there is someone in life that you really can't choose about, then find a way to accept them and not stress over all the ignorant crap they bring into our lives. Because otherwise we are killing ourselves instead of hiring someone to kill them bc we are decent people who would never do such a thing.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
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